Do you and your partner ever get a little stuck in your relationship? Are you tired of constant conflicts in your relationships? Are you seeking a proven approach to resolve these conflicts and foster a deeper connection with your partner? Look no further than EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy)!
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) is here to help you and your partner unstuck and soar to new heights! EFT has emerged as a highly effective and evidence-based approach to improving relationship dynamics.
Discover the power of EFT and unlock the potential for a healthier, more fulfilling relationship now.
Understanding conflict in relationships
Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. It is inevitable that two people with different backgrounds, experiences, and values will disagree sometimes. However, it is important to understand how to deal with conflict in a healthy way.
There are many different types of conflict in relationships, such as:
- Communication conflicts: These conflicts arise when couples have difficulty communicating effectively with each other. This can be due to different communication styles, misunderstandings, or a lack of trust.
- Values conflicts: These conflicts arise when couples have different values and priorities. For example, one partner may value career success more, while the other partner may value family and spending time together more.
- Needs conflicts: These conflicts arise when couples have different needs that are not being met. For example, one partner may need more affection, while the other partner needs more space.
The role of emotions in conflicts
Emotions play a major role in conflict. When we are in conflict with someone, we often experience strong emotions such as anger, sadness, frustration, and fear. These emotions can make it difficult to think clearly and to communicate effectively.
It is important to be aware of our emotions during conflict and to learn how to manage them in a healthy way. We can do this by taking a break from the conversation if needed, by practicing relaxation techniques, and by expressing our emotions in a respectful way.
What is Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) is a short-term, goal-oriented therapy that helps couples improve their emotional connection and resolve conflict.
EFT is based on a number of scientific theories, including attachment theory, emotion regulation theory, and systems theory. Attachment theory suggests that our early experiences with caregivers shape our ability to form and maintain close relationships in adulthood. Emotion regulation theory suggests that our ability to manage our emotions is essential for healthy relationships. Systems theory suggests that couples are interconnected systems, and that changes in one partner can have a significant impact on the other partner.
EFT was created by the power duo of psychologists Drs. Leslie Greenberg and Susan Johnson in the 80s. This approach to therapy is all about understanding and managing emotions, which play a huge role in our lives and relationships.
And, drum roll please...studies have shown that EFT can lead to major improvements in relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and emotional connection!
Research has consistently shown that EFT significantly improves relationship satisfaction and reduces conflicts. Couples who engage in EFT therapy report higher levels of relationship happiness, improved communication, and a greater sense of emotional connection. If you are ready to transform your relationship and create a more loving and harmonious partnership, EFT could be the key to your success.
A study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that 70-75% of couples showed significant improvement after participating in EFT.
EFT focuses on emotions and how they drive our behavior in relationships. By focusing on emotions, couples can better understand and connect with each other on an emotional level.
However, we know that EFT can help any couple deepen their connection and create a stronger relationship.
How EFT Works in Resolving Relationship Conflicts
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) is a type of therapy that helps couples to understand and manage their emotions in order to resolve conflict. EFT focuses on helping couples to identify the core emotions that are driving their conflict and to express these emotions in a healthy way.
EFT therapists also help couples to develop communication skills and conflict resolution skills. EFT is a highly effective form of therapy for couples who are struggling with conflict.
Here is a more detailed explanation of how EFT works in resolving relationship conflicts:
- Identify the core emotions. The first step in EFT is to help couples to identify the core emotions that are driving their conflict. These emotions are often hidden beneath other emotions, such as anger or resentment. Once couples are able to identify their core emotions, they can start to understand and address them.
- Validate each other's emotions. Once couples have identified their core emotions, they need to validate each other's emotions. This means letting each other know that their emotions are understandable and acceptable. Validation helps couples to feel heard and understood, which can lead to increased empathy and compassion.
- Express emotions in a healthy way. EFT therapists help couples to express their emotions in a healthy way. This means expressing their emotions in a way that is honest and open, but also respectful of their partner. EFT therapists also teach couples how to listen to each other's emotions in a supportive way.
- Develop communication skills. EFT therapists also help couples to develop communication skills. This includes teaching couples how to communicate their needs and wants in a clear and direct way. EFT therapists also teach couples how to listen to their partner's needs and wants in a supportive way.
- Develop conflict resolution skills. EFT therapists also help couples to develop conflict resolution skills. This includes teaching couples how to identify and address the underlying issues that are driving their conflict. EFT therapists also teach couples how to compromise and find solutions that work for both of them.
Step-by-step Guide to Using EFT in Resolving Conflicts
If you are interested in using EFT to resolve conflict in your relationship, here is a step-by-step guide:
- Identify the trigger. What is the thing that typically leads to conflict between you and your partner? Once you know what the trigger is, you can start to develop strategies for avoiding it or coping with it in a healthy way.
- Identify the underlying emotions. What are the emotions that you and your partner are experiencing during conflict? Once you understand the underlying emotions, you can start to address them in a healthy way.
- Communicate your emotions in a respectful way. It is important to express your emotions in a way that is honest and open, but also respectful of your partner. Avoid name-calling, blaming, and insults.
- Listen to your partner's emotions. It is also important to listen to your partner's emotions and to try to understand their perspective. This will help you to have a more productive conversation and to find a resolution that works for both of you.
- Be willing to compromise. It is unlikely that you and your partner will always agree on everything. Be willing to compromise and meet your partner halfway. This shows that you respect their needs and opinions.
If you are struggling to use EFT to resolve conflict on your own, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor who is trained in EFT.
EFT Resources and Tools for Resolving Conflicts
Here are some EFT resources and tools for resolving conflicts:
- EFT books: There are a number of books that have been written about EFT, including "The EFT Couple's Handbook" by Sue Johnson and "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Sue Johnson. These books can be a good resource for learning more about EFT and how to use it to improve your relationship.
- EFT workshops: There are a number of workshops that are offered on EFT. These workshops can be a good way to learn more about EFT and to practice using it in a supportive environment.
- EFT therapists: There are a number of therapists who are trained in EFT. If you are interested in using EFT to improve your relationship, you can find a therapist who is trained in EFT by searching online or by asking your doctor for a referral.
Here are some specific tools and exercises that you can use with EFT to resolve conflicts:
- Identify your triggers. What are the things that typically lead to conflict between you and your partner? Once you know what your triggers are, you can start to develop strategies for avoiding them or coping with them in a healthy way.
- Identify the underlying emotions. What are the emotions that you and your partner are experiencing during conflict? Once you understand the underlying emotions, you can start to address them in a healthy way.
- Validate your partner's emotions. It is important to listen to your partner's emotions and to let them know that you understand how they are feeling. This will help your partner to feel heard and understood.
- Express your emotions in a healthy way. It is also important to express your own emotions in a way that is honest and open, but also respectful of your partner. Avoid name-calling, blaming, and insults.
- Find a compromise. It is unlikely that you and your partner will always agree on everything. Be willing to compromise and meet your partner halfway. This shows that you respect their needs and opinions.
3 Fun and Impactful Activities You and Your Partner Can Do Together:
🚶☕Take a Feelings Walk
Grab your partner's hand and go for a walk in the great outdoors. During your walk, chat about how you're feeling at the moment. Encourage each other to express your emotions and pay attention to how they're impacting your thoughts and behaviors as you go. Here are some structured questions you can ask each other during your walk:
- What is on your mind right now?
- How is this affecting your thoughts and behavior?
- How can I best support you through this?
Couples who engage in this activity reported increased feelings of intimacy and emotional connection.
❤️Empathize with each other
Time to put on your superhero capes of understanding! Making an effort to understand your partner's perspective and emotions can do wonders for your relationship. Here's how:
- Try to see things from their point of view and put yourself in their shoes.
- Listen to your partner without judgment.
- Show that you understand and validate your partner's feelings.
- Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner's feelings.
Couples who practice empathy report higher levels of relationship satisfaction. And let's be real, who wouldn't want a relationship satisfaction upgrade?
✍️👄Express your emotions in a healthy way
Communication is key, and expressing your emotions in a healthy way is a big part of that! Here's why it's important and what to keep in mind:
- People struggle to express their emotions in a healthy way for various reasons, such as fear of being rejected or misunderstood and often past experiences where emotions were dismissed or invalidated.
- When expressing your emotions, make sure to listen to your partner's response with empathy. Really try to understand.
- When you’re doing the sharing, try and avoid attacking or blaming your partner, instead, express your emotions and share how you’re feeling.
- Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "You don’t do enough," try saying "I really need your help."
One study found that couples who effectively express their emotions experience reduced conflict and increased intimacy in their relationship.
Want to improve communication with your partner? Try Couply app's Enhancing Communication course! You can also take Couply's Conflict Quiz to spot relationship issues and enhance communication and understanding. Couply is packed with relationship quizzes, couples questions, expert articles, and games that you can both do with your partner to enhance your relationship!
So go ahead, let it all out and see your relationship blossom!
Learning more about Emotion Focused Therapy is a fantastic area to improve their emotional connection and intimacy. By focusing on emotions and understanding how they drive behavior in relationships, couples can better understand each other and work through any challenges they may be facing. The three activities outlined above – taking a feelings walk, empathizing with each other, and expressing emotions in a healthy way – are just a few ways you can implement the principles of EFT in your relationship. And with studies showing that EFT can lead to significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, intimacy, and emotional connection, why not give it a try and see the results for yourself?
So, grab your partner's hand, put on your superhero capes of understanding, and get ready to take your relationship to the next level!
References:
- Clinical Handbook of Emotion-Focused Therapy, edited by Leslie S. Greenberg and Rhonda N. Goldman, American Psychological Association, 2019 http://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctv1chrr6j
- Greenberg, L. S., & Johnson, S. M. (1988). Emotion in psychotherapy. Guilford Press.
- Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused marital therapy: creating connection. Routledge.
- Johnson, S. M. (2017). Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy with Trauma Survivors: Strengthening Attachment Bonds. Guilford Press.
- Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. (n.d.). Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jmft.12114
