Relationships can be complicated. Even when you care deeply about someone, it can still sometimes feel challenging to make them feel fully loved and appreciated. The thing is - different people show their love and affection in different ways. But how do we know which ways our partners or even ourselves like to show our affection? I only recently discovered that there are five main love languages or ways that people express and interpret love and affection. Learning about these was a total lightbulb moment for me and transformed the way I saw relationships. So here I am going to share what the five different love languages are and hopefully this will help you understand the different types of intimacy and affection that there are - possibly helping you in your own relationships!
1. Physical Touch
Out of the five love languages, physical touch is my personal top language. I personally feel that small touches can speak volumes and that an affectionate touch from my partner makes my day just that bit brighter. Physical touch as a love language can be the touch of a hand when you walk together, playing with eachothers hair whilst you watch TV, or tracing gentle circles on your partner's shoulder whilst you cuddle. To some people, these small touches might seem trivial, but to others they hold a profound meaning.
There is also science behind this love language! According to scientists, touch from a loved one causes the release of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin in the body - chemicals that promote bonding, happiness and security. Hence why people with the love language of physical touch will tell you that receiving some physical affection from their partner almost feels like a dose of soothing inner medicine that lifts their mood and leaves them glowing!
2. Acts of Service
Another love language that is popular is acts of service. You know the really small things that you can do that make your partner’s life easier? Yes, those things can make a person with acts of service as their love language heart swell. A lot of the time, people confuse acts of service with big and lavish gestures, when in actual fact, it is the small everyday acts that mean the most. These acts don’t require much time or talent, they are just everyday tasks that mean a lot to the other person as they can see the effort you have made to make their day smoother and it helps them feel like a priority in your life. Examples of these small tasks could be taking out the bins, spontaneously cleaning the kitchen, or even preparing dinner! So, if you are someone who’s love language is acts of service, romantic gifts such as chocolates or flowers might not quite do the trick compared to having a dinner made for you or even a freshly run bath!
3. Quality Time
Quality time tops the list of things that make one feel loved in a relationship for some people. And no, that doesn’t necessarily mean extravagant dates or expensive trips! It’s more about those special moments of engaged presence and undivided attention you share with your partner. Those conversations where you put away all distractions and make heartfelt eye contact. The walks where it feels like we’re the only two people in the world, attuned to each other’s thoughts. The cozy nights of good talks, belly laughs and comfortable silences. That’s the bliss of quality time.
If quality time is your love language, you might appreciate opening up with your partner in deep conversations about things like secret dreams, childhood stories, and current struggles. These conversations may lead you to have a fuzzy warm feeling as you build more trust and love with your partner. Especially in the age of constant directions, the gift of undivided attention will make a person with this particular love language a very happy bunny.
4. Gift Receiving
Do you or your partner light up when receiving a heartfelt gift? If so, gift receiving might be the love language for you. A simple, well thought out gift can be just enough for a person with this love language to fall head over heels. Some people think a gift focus makes you high maintenance and materialistic. Not at all! Candy bars and flower bouquets are nice but not essential. It’s knowing someone cares enough to select something meaningful specifically to brighten your day. The time and effort spent thinking “What would they enjoy?” means everything to someone with this love language.
Whether it’s remembering a birthday with something personal or being cheered up when you're sick with a book you love, being gifted communicates “You matter to me and I want you to smile today.” Even if life feels stressful, knowing someone wants you to feel special through a caring gesture lifts the spirits of someone with this love language like nothing else.
5. Words of Affirmation
Actions speak louder than words right? Well not if your love language is words of affirmation! If verbal praise and encouragement make you glow inside, then this might be the love language for you. Hearing an "I appreciate you" or "You did a great job" or "You look nice" can feed someone with this love language in an incredibly powerful way - more than any gesture could. Like many, your inner monologue can get pretty critical and doubtful about your own worth sometimes and for people who love words of affirmation, spoken praise drowns those nagging voices out! Hearing positive feedback cuts through your uncertainties so powerfully to the point that you find yourself wanting to replay those words when you start questioning myself to remind yourself of my strengths.
For these types of people, they trust actions over empty words with most people. But when their special someone specifically makes an effort to verbally express their love and appreciation, it carries a special significance. Hearing “I care about you” in a partner's voice - not just seeing it in their behaviour - can deeply satisfy their soul by confirming what they have with their person.
What is YOUR Love Language?
In the Couply app, there are many different questions, quizzes and games that are able to help you find out what love language you are more into! If you go onto your Couply application and press onto the activity tab, there are loads of different activities that can help with finding your love language and also other factors about your relationship.
Here are some screenshots of some of the questions asked in the love style quizzes:
The best thing about these quizzes is that you can link your partner to your Couply account and get them to also take the same quizzes! This can make it super easy to further understand each other’s love styles/languages!
Why Do Love Languages Matter?
1. It Can Prevent Miscommunication
You might sometimes find yourself feeling confused when heartfelt gestures that you have made do not seem to make your partner feel as cherished as you would feel. This is completely normal and okay. Love languages are like speaking different dialects of the same language! Knowing what dialect your partner speaks can help you understand what makes them tick more - leading to less miscommunication and more love and appreciation for one another!
2. It Can Make You Feel Understood Too!
Understanding love languages can not only help you understand your partner, but also help your partner understand you! Having your partner know what things you appreciate more than others can help them satisfy you more and leave you feeling more loved and appreciated in the way you enjoy the most. This helps both you and your partners needs to get met on both sides - leading to a more fulfilled, happy and healthy relationship!
3. It Can Help Customise How You Show Love
Instead of relying on a generic one-size-fits-all strategy and showing your love to everyone in one way, you can start to tune in to each person’s unique love language. You can make your partner feel truly cared for through physical touch, your friend feel loved when you give special gifts, and your mom beam when you share our quality time. It’s so fulfilling to nurture connections in more personalised, meaningful ways. Making the effort to understand someone’s language always pays back tenfold in increased connection. Why stay stuck speaking past each other when you could be fluently conversing in love!
FAQs
What are love languages?
Love languages are the different ways that people express and interpret love and affection. The five different love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation - expressing love through spoken affection or praise
- Acts of Service - expressing love by doing things for your partner
- Receiving Gifts - expressing love through the giving of gifts
- Quality Time - expressing love by spending focused time together
- Physical Touch - expressing love through physical affection
Why are love languages important in relationships?
Understanding your partner's primary love language can help improve communication and increase satisfaction in the relationship. If you express affection in a way your partner doesn't connect with, they may not feel loved, even if you feel you are showing them love. Learning each other's love languages helps couples show love in the way the other best receives it.
What advice do you have for applying love languages?
My main advice is to approach love languages with curiosity, care, and an open heart - don't treat it like a box to check. It's meant to reveal opportunities to express your love in deeper ways, not to control your partner. I also think integrating all the languages is important - use your primary, but sprinkle in the others too! And remember that individual preferences matter just as much as the general languages, so pay attention to your partner's unique needs too.
Are love languages relevant for non-romantic relationships too?
Absolutely! While I focused on romantic partnerships, love languages are just as relevant for families, friends, coworkers, and any relationship in your life. We all give and receive love in different ways. Understanding those differences can vastly improve all kinds of connections and interactions we have on a daily basis.
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