Your friend Sarah was over the moon after matching with this total hottie on Hinge. Chiseled jawline, smoldering eyes, ripped physique - the works. They hit it off instantly over shared interests like hiking and indie music. Sarah was already envisioning future travel adventures with her newfound online crush. But when she pulled up to the swanky restaurant for their first IRL date, her dreamboat looked...well, nothing like those Phil Stacey-level glamour shots. Sarah had officially been kittenfished.
What is Kittenfishing?
Kittenfishing is the decidedly deceptive practice of using heavily edited, old or unrealistically flattering photos to misrepresent your physical appearance when trying to attract matches on dating apps and sites. It's a more subtle form of deception than full-blown catfishing (creating an entirely fake persona), but still involves bending the truth to lure people into dating interactions under somewhat false pretenses.
While catfishing is a clear form of deceit, kittenfishing operates in that gray area of selective truth-telling - using real photos that aren't outright lies, but certainly don't represent your current, accurate self. It's showing your greatest glow-up hits without any of the reasonable expectation management. The kittenfisher's motive is to attract more initial interest than they might normally command in the hopes that their charming personality can make up for the letdown once their Facetuned life falls flat.
Why Do People Kittenfish? Unveiling the Motivations
1. Seeking Attention & Validation
Let's be honest - some kittenfishers are just straight up desperate for an ego stroke. They thrive on all those flirty comments and heart-eye emojis rolling in, even if their highly curated dating profile pics are about as current as dial-up internet. It's a giddy little self-esteem boost, getting showered with admiring messages for their sweetheart deceptagunz.
2. Fear of Rejection & Insecurity
Then you have the kittenfishers who are just straight up terrified of putting their real, vulnerable selves out there. Their twisted logic is to lure matches in with doctored photos showing them 20lbs lighter and a wig snatched, figuring by the time their date realizes something's fishy, their stellar personality will have already worked its magic. It's a cowardly hedging of bets to avoid insta-rejection.
3. Boosting Confidence Through Online Personas
Then there are the kittenfishers who fully buy their own hype, conning themselves as much as their matches. When you immerse yourself in a glossy, flatteringly-edited persona on the apps for long enough, it can actually start to feel like your true self. That meticulously-cultivated illusion becomes your virtual oasis for feeling like a prize catch - who cares if it's being watered by lies?
4. Testing the Waters Before Commitment
Sure, some kittenfishers have at least somewhat benign intentions. They figure by showcasing their very best, most flattering photos first - even if that version of themselves is now collecting Social Security - they'll just get a chance to flex their delightful personality and let their suitors fall for the whole package. It's really just the on-ramp to vulnerable authenticity!
So while the road to kittenfishing may be paved with fragile self-esteem, fear of vulnerability and delusion, the impacts still spell deception and betrayal. Those little white lies by omission often make waves of distrust and hurt feelings for everyone in their wakes. But hey, at least the kittenfishers get their momentary dopamine rush of validation before the facade crumbles!
Types of Kittenfishing
Kittenfishing comes in many devious forms, but some of the most common tactics include:
1. Borrowed Photos & Profiles
The most blatant form of kittenfishing is when someone outrightly steals photos and bio information from other unwitting people to construct an entirely fake identity. They might nab glamour shots from an outdated social media profile orgeneric lifestyle images to paint themselves as something they're not. Some even go so far as to pilfer people's entire backstories, personalities, and personal details to create an alternate online persona uniquely designed to attract matches.
Example: Jacob took the clean-cut headshot of an old co-worker as his main profile pic, rounding it out with random picturesque travel scenes to sell himself as a suave, well-traveled catch. Everything from his listed alma mater to job details were lifted from strangers he followed on social media.
2. Exaggerated Achievements & Embellishments
Even if they use their real identities, many kittenfishers chronically inflate or outright fabricate key achievements and experiences to come across as more accomplished, worldly and interesting than they truly are. This may involve pretending to have fancier job titles, embellishing travel stories, inventing humble-brag anecdotes, or lying about niche skills. The goal is to appear maximally impressive and desirable, at least on paper.
Example: Stephanie's dating profile portrayed her as a globetrotting adrenaline junkie who scaled mountains on the regular and got her scuba certification in Bali. In reality, her biggest "adventures" included climbing the stairs to her 3rd-floor walk-up and that one time she tried snorkelling in Cabo.
3. Misrepresenting Relationship Status
A shockingly common form of kittenfishing is simply failing to disclose your actual relationship status. That could mean posing as a hopeless romantic single when you're very much attached and taken. Or it might involve disguising yourself as an ambitious free spirit when you're really someone's disgruntled live-in partner on the DL, hunting for a sneaky side piece. Either way, it's a breach of truth that wastes everyone's time.
Example: Evan described himself as "ethically non-monogamous" on his dating profiles, neglecting to mention he was very much in a long-term monogamous relationship with a woman who had no clue he was playing the field behind her back.
No matter the details, kittenfishing is about creating false incentives and projecting idealized falsehoods to draw more romantic interest than you may deserve or attain otherwise. And that's a shaky foundation for any genuine connection right from the start.
Protecting Yourself From Kittenfishing: Online Dating Safety Tips
1. Reverse Image Search Photos
If those profile pics seem too perfect to be true, that's probably because they are! Running them through a reverse image search like TinEye or Google Images can reveal if they've been lifted from stock photo sites or someone else's social media. You know something's fishy when their supposed "candid" beach selfies show up as promotional images for a Cancun resort plastered across travel blogs.
Or maybe that chiseled hardwood floor model smiling in their "living room" pic actually belongs to a home furnishings catalog advertising reclaimed farmhouse decor. Did their ruggedly handsome hiking selfie pop up on an REI advertisement about appreciating the great outdoors? Time to lawyer up and file charges, because they've clearly stolen intellectual property to lure you into their fantasy world.
Sure, it's a bit of detective work to scrutinize every detail like this, but better to out the kittenfishing early than being fully catfished down the line when you inevitably discover their ab selfies were ill-begotten thirst traps pieced together in Photoshop like a sketch artist's rendering of Ryan Gosling.
2. Take Conversations Beyond the App
No matter how flirtatious and witty your text banter might be, there's only so much you can gauge from messaging alone. Those perfectly-curated replies give them all the time in the world to construct an idealized persona from the ground up - strategically timing joke deliveries, fawning over your latest tastefully risqué pic with just the right emoji combo to make your heart swoon.
Once you feel a connection brewing, do yourself a favor and propose an actual phone or video call. Witnessing their unedited voice, mannerisms, and look in real-time is a huge reality check for whether their true self lines up with the sweet-talking fantasy you've been led to believe exists on the other side of the screen.
Maybe their real-life cadences are more frat boy than hallmark romantic. Maybe their appearance doesn't precisely align with the highly-edited thirst traps you've been poring over. Or maybe their witty one-liners crumble into awkward stuttering once they can't spend hours perfectly crafting each response. Whatever the misalignment, getting them beyond the safety of the app removes their ability to hide.
3. Trust Your Gut & Don't Ignore Red Flags
When something seems off or inconsistent, it probably is! If their photos appear to be from six wildly different eras and bodies like they're sampling the Mona Lisa's aesthetic evolution, that's a major red flag. If they constantly dodge video chats with lame excuses about bad lighting or being camera-shy, while simultaneously filtering their dating photos into an airbrushed oblivion, your gut is likely onto the kittenfishing game.
Maybe they bemoaned having a wholesome, corn-fed dating profile at first because it got them ignored, so they had no choice but to amp up the thirst traps and pretend to be a globe-trotting DJ living in a Downtown LA loft and spinning Ibiza pool parties on the reg instead. Don't let those gaslight-y explanations making you second-guess your instincts! Those nagging feelings exist for a reason. Trust yourself and have the self-respect to disengage if you suspect inauthenticity.
4. Enjoy Online Dating Responsibly
Look, we all know dating in 2023 essentially requires some level of online vetting and personal branding polish. Carefully curating your profile and putting your most swiped-upon foot forward is just part of the game. But that doesn't mean completely dropping all common sense and reasonable expectations!
Approach matches with an open but discerning mind. Expect some minor photo tweaks to capture their best angle, clear up a little skin situation, and optimize flattering selfie lighting. Maybe they bumped up the contrast and saturation to accentuate those baby blues or make their Hawaiian vacation snaps extra dreamy and drool-worthy. Some minor truth massaging is par for the course.
But draw the line at straight-up Fauxtoshop fantasies where they've distorted their entire face, body, and surroundings beyond recognition. Where they've composited backgrounds, swapped out physiques, and manipulated facial features with wild filters and editing tools until not a single pixel resembles their IRL self. You're looking for potential partners, not getting Catfished with digitized modern art installations!
Have fun engaging in the online dating ritual and stay optimistic about finding a real connection, but keep your wits about you for any kittenfishers clearly being purposely misleading or grossly misrepresenting themselves as something they're not.
While more indirectly dishonest than outright catfishing, kittenfishing is nonetheless a breach of trust that can lead to hurt feelings and destroyed confidence. From emotional vampires seeking validation through thirsty DMs to wounded souls terrified of vulnerability, there's usually some insecurity propelling these catty antics.
But at the end of the day, it's deception - plain and simple. You deserve better than a romance rooted in silly Facetuned fallacies! Embrace your self-worth, approach online dating street-savvy, and have the confidence to disengage from anyone being shadily evasive. The right person will show up for you as their unapologetically authentic self from the very first swipe.
