Relationships are one of the most important things in our lives. They provide us with love, support, and companionship. But what makes a relationship strong? One of the most important factors is shared core values.
Core values are the beliefs and principles that are most important to us. They guide our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
When we share core values with our partner, it creates a foundation of trust and understanding that can help us weather the storms of life.
You might have been together for a while now. You’ve shared plenty of laughs, adventures, and intimate moments. You’ve built a life together, but lately, something feels off. You find yourself getting into arguments over small things, feeling disconnected, or wondering if you’re really on the same page.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. All relationships have their ups and downs, but sometimes those rough patches are a sign of a deeper issue. One that can’t be fixed by a romantic weekend away or a grand gesture. It’s a fundamental difference in values.
Values are the guiding principles that shape how we live our lives. They’re the beliefs and priorities that matter most to us, such as honesty, compassion, freedom, or success. We all have our own set of values, and they can influence our decisions, actions, and our relationships.
In a romantic relationship, sharing similar values and understanding each other’s value system is crucial for building a strong, fulfilling relationship.
Values aren't interests. So, it’s not about having identical interests or hobbies as a PARTNER, but really it’s about aligning on what truly matters to you both. When you and your partner have a shared sense of greater purpose, you’re more likely to weather storms, communicate effectively, and grow together.
But what if you haven’t talked about your core values? What if you’re not even sure what they are?
Let’s explore what core values are, why they matter, and how to identify and communicate them with your partner. Next, make sure to take the Our Values course in Couply.
Let’s get started.
Why Are Core Values Important in Relationships?
Core values are like the foundation of a house. If they’re weak or unstable, the whole structure can be at risk. In a relationship, your core values provide the framework for how you interact with each other and the world. They can influence your communication style, your goals, your lifestyle choices, and your expectations.
When you and your partner share similar core values, you’re more likely to feel understood, respected, and supported. You can navigate life’s challenges together with a shared sense of purpose and direction. On the other hand, when your core values clash, it can lead to conflict, misunderstandings, and resentment, especially if these aren’t discussed.
We don’t think that values need to be the be-all and end-all, it’s okay if you and your partner don’t share core values; but where they will become a problem – is if they are never discussed or looked into.
If you can discuss these then you’re on the same page. When you and your partner are on the same page about what matters to you both, you can create a relationship that’s more than the sum of its parts. Once your relationship becomes more than the sum of it’s parts, you’ve got a beautiful recipe for growth.
What Are Core Values?
Core values are the guiding principles that shape your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors.
They’re the foundation of your worldview and your sense of identity. Unlike interests or hobbies, core values are enduring, sometimes unconscious and tend to be stable throughout your life.
There’s no one-size-fits-all list of core values, as they can vary greatly from person to person.
However, some common core values include:
- Honesty
- Integrity
- Compassion
- Respect
- Responsibility
- Freedom
- Equality
- Success
- Creativity
- Authenticity
- Kindness
- Fairness
- Open-mindedness
- Loyalty
- Gratitude
- Humility
- Self-discipline
- Courage
- Perseverance
- Self-awareness
These values can be expressed in different ways and have different meanings for different people. For example, one person may value honesty above all else, while another may prioritize kindness. What matters is that these values reflect your true priorities and beliefs.
How to Identify Your Core Values
The first step to discovering your core values is to take some time to reflect on what is important to you.
If you haven’t thought much about your core values before, it can be helpful to take some time to reflect on what matters to you. Here are some questions to get you started:
- What do you care about deeply?
- What makes you feel fulfilled and satisfied?
- What principles do you live by?
- What do you stand for?
- What kind of person do you aspire to be?
- Why do you think this way?
Once you have a sense of your own core values, it’s important to share them with your partner. This can help you both understand each other on a deeper level and make more informed decisions together. This doesn't mean that you have to agree on everything, but you should have a shared understanding of the things that are most important to you.
How to Communicate Your Core Values
Communicating your core values is important for building strong relationships and creating a positive work environment. When you communicate your values, you are letting others know what is important to you and how you want to be treated. This can help to build trust and understanding, and it can also help to resolve conflict.
When you’re ready to talk about your core values with your partner, here are some tips to keep in mind:
Be open-minded: Remember that your partner may have different values than you do, and that’s okay. Try to approach the conversation with curiosity and empathy, rather than defensiveness or criticism.
Be specific: Use concrete examples to illustrate what each value means to you. For instance, if you value honesty, you might say that you believe in being truthful even when it’s uncomfortable, and that you don’t tolerate lying or deceit. Also explain what honesty means to you and how it guides your behavior.
Be flexible: Recognize that your values may not always align perfectly with your partner’s, and that’s okay too. Look for areas where you can compromise or find common ground, rather than insisting on being right or getting your way.
Be honest: If there’s a value that you feel strongly about, it’s important to express it honestly and respectfully. This may mean acknowledging that you have different priorities or perspectives, but that you’re committed to finding a way to make it work.
Be ongoing: Core values are not a one-time conversation. As your relationship evolves and new challenges arise, you may need to revisit your values and discuss how they apply to different situations. Regular check-ins can help ensure that you stay connected and aligned over time.
By communicating your core values, you can build stronger relationships and create a more positive environment for yourself and those around you.
Take the Our Values Course in the Couply app: Launching June 22nd 2023: Our Values has Couples Questions, relationship quizzes and games all around your values.
