It was date night, and once again, Jennie felt let down. Over a lovely dinner, her partner Eric said barely a word about how she looked or how he felt about her lately.

"Do you even notice or appreciate me more?" she wondered silently, stung by his lack of affectionate words.

Jennie felt like she poured verbal praise and "I love you's" into the relationship, yet Eric seemed to speak a different emotional language.

As relationship counselor Dr. Gary Chapman explains in his popular framework, “Love Languages,” people give and receive love in 5 distinct ways. Some thrive on Quality Time, Acts of Service, Touch,Gifts - or Words of Affirmation: verbal expressions of love, praise, and appreciation. Those who speak this Love Language crave such spoken affection as much as plants crave water and sunlight.

Without these reassuring words, people like Jennie begin to wilt inside, doubting their partner’s care and attraction. The right compliments, affirmations of their qualities and importance, or affectionate chatter can utterly transform their moods and outlook, nurturing their attachment bonds.

Out of the 5 love languages, Words of Affirmation is often one of the most overlooked. It's easy to assume that saying "I love you" now and then should be enough. But for those whose primary language is Words of Affirmation, spoken words and verbal affirmations carry major weight.

Let’s explore why Words of Affirmation matter so much, how to identify this Love Language in your partner or yourself, and ways to master verbally affirming those you love...

What Exactly Are Words of Affirmation?

Words of Affirmation refers to expressing love and appreciation through spoken praise, compliments, encouragement, and positive statements. For people whose native tongue is Words of Affirmation, hearing things like:

• "You're so thoughtful"
• "I really appreciate you doing that for me"
• "You're an amazing mom"
• "I love how creative you are"
• "You make me so happy"

Makes their spirits soar more than any gesture or act of service ever could. Verbal affirmations nourish them emotionally and make them feel valued in the relationship. Words serve as the conduit to let them know just how cherished they are on a soul-deep level.

Reasons Why You Have Words of Affirmation as a Love Language

Why might someone have Words of Affirmation as their primary love language? You may be thinking, words are just hot air,right? It's actions that truly matter. But for Words of Affirmation folks, the words themselves carry deep meaning.

Here's why verbal affirmations resonate sostrongly for them:

First, those with an extroverted communication style thrive when bonding through words. For them, hearing praise and affection from their partner gives them an emotional high. Verbal affirmations match their chatty, expressive nature.

In addition, individuals who struggle with self-esteem or confidence issues find spoken words incredibly powerful. Hearing their partner verbalize loving sentiments serves to counteract their internal self-doubts and insecurities.

People's childhoods growing up likely influence their love language as well. If they were raised in a household where affection wasn't openly expressed, positive verbal affirmations can provide something they craved but rarely received.

Cognitive style plays a role too. Those with a more poetic, abstract-thinking orientation find beautiful phrases more impactful than physical acts when feeling loved.

Moreover, people who closely link their self-worth to what others think about them find great reassurance in words of praise. Affirmations reinforce their sense of value in their partner's eyes. Some also perceive verbally expressed compliments as requiring intentional forethought. So affirming words demonstrate their partner was specifically thinking about them.

Finally, individuals who naturally express affection through verbal compliments tend to assume their partner would appreciate the same. We project our own preferred language.

In summary, an extroverted verbal style, lack of confidence, unaffectionate childhoods, poetic thinking, external self-worth, the need for intentionality, and projecting one's own preferences can all make someone place extra meaning and significance on words of affirmation. So while actions may seem more real or concrete to some, verbal affirmations pack an equally powerful emotional punch for Words of Affirmation people. Hearing praise fills their cup like nothing else.

Characteristics of Words of Affirmation Lovers

Here are some common characteristics of people who have Words of Affirmation as their primary love language:

1. Appreciative

People who feel most loved through words of affirmation are very responsive to verbal appreciation and praise. They beam when their partner notices the little things they do and says "thank you."

2. Sensitive

Those with this love language tend to be emotionally sensitive. Positive words make them feel amazing, while criticism can be crushing even if not meant maliciously. affirming words deeply affect their sense of self-worth.

3. Communicative

People who thrive on words of affirmation are also excellent communicators themselves. They find it natural to openly praise their loved ones and tend to freely compliment. Expressiveness builds connections for them.

4. Value Sincerity

While some compliments may be flattering, what really matters to Words of Affirmation fans is sincerity. They want to know their partner's loving words reflect how they truly feel about them deep down.

5. Remember Meaningful Praise

Individuals who love affirming words often recall heartfelt compliments paid to them years prior. A genuinely felt sentiment sticks with them and continues making them feel good.

6. Idealize Their Partners

People oriented toward Words of Affirmation have a tendency to idealize their romantic partners. They focus on their beloved's wonderful qualities and overlook imperfections that others may notice.

7. Feel Understood

Genuine praise makes those with this love language feel truly seen and known at their core. Putting their traits, talents, or accomplishments into words shows their partners "get" them.

Why is Words of Affirmation Important?

Words of Affirmation as a love language is incredibly impactful for several reasons.

Firstly, verbal affirmations provide validation and reassurance for partners struggling with self-doubt or insecurity. Hearing praise from their loved one counteracts negative self-talk and thoughts.

Words of Affirmation also make someone feel truly seen and known when their partner affirms their positive qualities. Verbalizing appreciation for someone's talents or character traits makes them feel special and recognized.

In addition, Words of Affirmation demonstrate intentional thought and care. The effort made to express loving words shows that their partner was specifically thinking about them.

This language also reinforces intimacy through positive communication. Sharing fond memories and verbally appreciating each other fosters warm, caring interactions.

Moreover, receiving affirmations contributes to feeling valued in the relationship. Words of praise act as an emotional boost and reinforcement that their partner cares.

Regular, open communication around admiring each other's attributes fosters deeper connectivity. Affirming words nurture a positive relational environment.

Words of Affirmation also create positive associations with quality conversation time. Expressing affection while conversing intertwines the two.

Finally, providing verbal encouragement offers comfort during tough times. Affirming someone's strengths and worth provides support.

In summary, Words of Affirmation validate, reassure, convey intentionality, build intimacy, demonstrate appreciation, foster communication, link to quality time, and offer comfort through loving spoken words. This makes it a hugely impactful love language.

How to Speak the Words of Affirmation Love Language

If your loved one feels most cherished through spoken messages of praise and admiration, you may be wondering—how can I master this heart dialect fluently? While integrating verbal affirmations more regularly may feel unnatural at first, especially for those whose own love language differs, there are tangible ways to nurture more Words of Affirmation.

Here are some tips for speaking the Words of Affirmation love language to a partner who values verbal affirmations:

•Give sincere compliments frequently about qualities you admire - their creativity, intelligence, kindness, etc. Be specific.

•Verbalize appreciation when your partner does something thoughtful or noticeable. Don't just assume they know you're grateful.

•Validate their feelings and perspectives when they confide in you about a situation they're going through.

•Offer words of encouragement and reassurance when they express self-doubt or anxiety. Counteract negative self-talk.

•Send sweet, affirming texts or leave loving voice messages during the day to show you're thinking of them.

•Initiate quality conversations where you're fully present. The affirmations will flow naturally.

•Express love verbally - say "I love you" and specifically why you love them.

•Reference favorite memories you share to reaffirm your bond.

•Notice and praise little details - a new haircut, accomplishment at work, etc. Observe and verbalize.

•Write handwritten notes expressing how much they mean to you.

The key is to make affirming words a consistent habit, not just an occasional thing. Speaking their love language will make them feel secure. With care and practice, you can learn to eloquently translate your feelings and make your partner feel seen through this powerful love language.

Misconceptions and Challenges of Words of Affirmation

The Words of Affirmation love language is prone to certain misconceptions from those less familiar with its emotional power. There are also challenges that come with integrating more affirming words, especially for those who don't express themselves verbally with ease.

Here are some common misconceptions and challenges related to the Words of Affirmation love language:

Misconceptions:

• That it's insincere or excessive flattery. Authentic compliments expressing admiration are what matters.
• That it’s a sign of neediness or insecurity. In reality, it's just a different emotional language.
• That it requires elaborate poetic expressions. Simple phrases like "I appreciate you" or "You're amazing" carry meaning too.
• That the quality time spent conversing is secondary. But verbal affirmations are often woven into quality time.
• That affirmations alone should be enough. Using the other love languages too still matters.

Challenges:

• Coming across sincerely if affirming words don't flow naturally for you. Take time to identify things you genuinely admire.
• Balancing affirmations with constructive feedback. Don't shy away from respectful critiques.
• Avoiding accidentally affirming bad qualities or behaviors. Be discerning with praise.
• Maintaining consistency and not just affirming sporadically. Make it an everyday habit.
• If receiving love, learning to accept sincere compliments graciously without diminishing them.
• Not using Words of Affirmation in a manipulative way or withdrawing affirmation during conflicts.

Overall, avoiding assumptions, being authentic, balancing feedback, discerning appropriate affirmations, consistency, and healthy conflict habits can help overcome misconceptions and challenges.

Benefits of Words of Affirmation

Here are some benefits of the Words of Affirmation love language in relationships:

1. Increases Self-Esteem and Confidence

Partners who give genuine compliments help boost each other's self-esteem and confidence (Chapman, 2015). Kind words promote positive self-image.

2. Provides Emotional Support

Spoken praise and encouragement provides emotional support during difficult times (Floyd, 2002). Affirming words comfort and reassure.

3. Enhances Communication

Partners who engage in more affirmative communication report better relationship quality (Floyd, 2002). Appreciative words foster openness.

4. Deeper Understanding

Putting thoughts and feelings into words leads to better mutual understanding between partners (Swami et al., 2009). Verbal expression promotes intimacy.

5. Reinforces Positive Behaviors

Affirming a partner's contributions and character reinforces desirable behaviors (Hendrick et al., 2017). Compliments encourage continued efforts.

6. Creates Warmth and Affection

Spoken words of love generate feelings of warmth and affection between partners (Floyd, 2002). Verbal praise nurtures fondness.

In summary, words of affirmation provide validation, care, and encouragement to partners when aligned with their love language (Chapman, 2015). Thoughtful praise communicates love and support.

Should You Fake Words of Affirmation?

A common question that arises is - should you force yourself to use Words of Affirmation if that’s not your natural language? We want to accommodate our partner, but faking it risks coming across as insincere.

It’s understandable to feel hesitant or awkward using a “non-native” tongue. The key is finding authentic ways you can integrate more affirming words:

• Note your genuine feelings of appreciation when your partner does something thoughtful. Verbalize your gratitude in that moment.
• Set a daily reminder to text your partner something you sincerely admire about them.
• Carve out quality conversation time together to fully listen. Words will flow more naturally.
• Write in a journal when positive feelings about your partner arise. Use it as a brainstorm list for affirmation ideas.
• Explain that verbal affirmations don't come naturally to you, but you want to work on it because you recognize their importance. Ask for patience.

The goal shouldn’t be mastering Words of Affirmation to the same fluency as someone with it as their native tongue. But making the effort to speak a few heartfelt loving words goes a long way.

Hopefully this overview gave you a deeper understanding of why Words of Affirmation is such a meaningful love language for verbal communicators. Simple spoken expressions of love nourish their spirit immensely. Regularly offering sincere compliments, saying “I love you,” validating them, and having meaningful conversations makes Words of Affirmation folks feel secure and appreciated in the relationship. While speaking this non-native tongue may feel unnatural at first, making the effort can enhance intimacy. Remember, a few heartfelt words can speak volumes!

Disclaimer about the Love Languages

While Dr. Chapman's 5 Love Languages model can provide useful insights, it does not capture the full complexity of human relationships and intimacy. The "languages" are presented as fixed traits, yet in reality, most people appreciate multiple expressions of love to varying degrees. Needs and preferences shift over time as well. Furthermore, struggling couples often need more than just tips on better communication; underlying wounds, attachment injuries, or personal growth issues may require addressing first through counseling or inner work.

The Love Languages should be seen as a helpful starting point for improving mutual understanding, not an absolute taxonomy or predictor of relationship success. The languages tap into real human emotional needs, but expressing care in these ways is not guaranteed to "fill the other's tank" if they have wounds obstructing intimacy. Use the model to inspire insight and self-awareness more than to diagnose your partner. Genuine presence and heart connection transcend any one love language.

At the end of the day, deep relationships are mysteries that call us to show up fully, live compassionately, speak truth, and let go of controlling outcomes. Rather than trying to constantly monitor love languages, aim to meet your partner where they are and appreciate what arises in each moment.

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About the Author

Sheravi Mae Galang is a Content Coordinator for the Couply app. Couply was created to help couples improve their relationships. Couply has over 300,000 words of relationship quizzes, questions, couples games, and date ideas and helps over 400,000 people.

Sheravi enjoys wring and is currently studying at the Cebu Institute of Technology - University for her current pursuit of a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology. You can connect with her through email (sheravimaegalang@gmail.com).