Hey there! So, I was browsing online the other day to see what wisdom couples who've been there and done that had to share. I was curious about what advice they wish they could have given themselves, starting on this whole rollercoaster called love.
The insights were gold! Like little relationship cheat codes from people who have seen and worked through it all—the heartaches, the dry spells, the silly arguments over leaving the toilet seat up again. I compiled the top 10 gems that really struck a chord.
Get ready to take some notes and let's see what people answered the question:
What Was the Best Relationship Advice You Ever Got?
1. You are not fighting AGAINST your partner during conflicts
Remember that you and your partner aren't enemies. At the end of the day, you gotta be united on the same "you and me against the world" team, you know? Also, it only takes one person to start a fight, but it takes both of you to make peace and squash the beef.
It's also important to finish your arguments. If you just storm off in the middle of an argument, you're both just gonna keep stewing and convincing yourselves you're right while assuming the other person is finally coming around. That's how little spats turn into way bigger deals than they need to be. The move is to actually finish hashing it out, even if it gets heated for a bit.
However, there's also a big BUT! There's also value in giving your partner space sometimes if they need to work through something on their own first before coming together to resolve it. As much as you might want to help, trying to force the issue can make things worse if they just need a breather to process and re-center. It's all about remembering that you two are a team, not opponents. Even when you disagree, you've got each other's backs against whatever life is throwing your way. Just take a pause if needed, then come back ready to really hear each other out and make that peace.
2. Never take each other for granted; Show appreciation.
Never take your partner for granted, my friends. That's like relationship 101! Those little "pleases" and "thank yous" might seem small, but they go a long way in making your spouse feel respected and appreciated.
"Thank you for cooking."
"Thank you for cleaning the house."
"I appreciate your effort."
Easy, right?
But here's the real key: appreciation languages can also be sooo different for different people.
For some, hearing those verbal compliments and affirmations is what really makes them feel loved. But for others, actions totally speak louder than words. They need you to walk the walk—doing those little acts of service, giving thoughtful gifts, or just being fully present with quality time together.
Sometimes we might think that we're showing our appreciation, but our partners will just not feel it at all because we have different "languages." It's about figuring out what specific things make your partner's love tank go from empty to full.
If you're giving them constant verbal praise but their heart's desire is quality couple time, it'll still feel like you're taking them for granted. The move is learning how your boo uniquely feels most appreciated, then sprinkling in those personal touches as often as you can. That's true intimacy right there!
3. Discuss life goals (e.g. kids) and financials before you get married.
This is a very important discussion you gotta have. You need to get on the same page about major life goals and plans waaaay before tying the knot. Stuff like whether or not you both want kids, how many, and even financial compatibility in terms of lifestyles and spending habits.
If one person dreams of a big family with 6 rugrats running around or 12 to make up their own basketball team, but the other is dead set on being child-free...that's gonna be one rocky road ahead.
Same goes if one of you loves ballin' out with champagne taste, while the other is more of a boxed wine kinda of person with their budget. Money can seriously make or break a relationship.
With the kid thing, especially, don't just brush it off, thinking you'll figure it out later. That's asking for resentment to fester like an untreated wound. You can maybe compromise on the exact number, but you can't really meet halfway between wanting kids and not wanting any at all. Trust me, I've seen too many solid marriages crash and burn over this exact issue.
Either the spouse who wanted kids thought the other would eventually change their mind...or the person opposed just ran out the clock until it was too late to start a family. It's an ugly situation, no matter how you slice it. This is a straight-up deal-breaker level of incompatibility if you're not aligned.
The tough part is, that these convos force you to face some potentially brutal realities and tough decisions if you're not on the same page. But avoiding them is just delaying the inevitable explosion. You gotta rip that band-aid off before getting too deep into something with a partner who wants fundamentally different stuff out of life, feel me? Awkward now or catastrophic heartbreak down the road...your choice!
4. Prioritize trust and build a strong foundation for it.
Trust is the bedrock foundation for any solid relationship, no cap.
Jealousy and possessiveness often stem from underlying trust issues too. If you find yourself getting unreasonably bent out of shape about them talking to other people or needing constant reassurance, that insecurity could become a self-fulfilling prophecy that poisons the relationship. Work on your self-confidence and have faith in your partner.
And don't violate their personal privacy and boundaries with crap like going through phones and emails. That's a quick way to corrode any sense of trust and autonomy. Give them the same level of freedom and respect you'd want for yourself.
There's a difference between being an open book and having reasonable boundaries. If your partner is constantly demanding all your passwords and trying to monitor everything, that's a major red flag. Healthy trust has to be earned through consistency over time, not forcibly demanded.
At the end of the day, would you rather occasionally ruffle some feathers with the truth? Or slowly rot the core of your relationship with a pattern of lies and planted seeds of doubt? For me, I'll take the former and work through any temporary storms. You can't build anything built to last on a shaky foundation of mistrust. Keep it real, and the right one will respect that.
5. Support with respect is key.
The quote "I don't want you to save me, but you can hold my hand while I save myself" encapsulates the idea of supporting your partner with respect - being there for them without trying to fight their battles or make decisions for them.
Healthy relationships involve two whole, independent individuals choosing to be together. You can't "complete" someone or make them happy - that has to come from within themselves. Your role is to provide caring encouragement and be their cheerleader, not take over.
For example, if your partner is struggling with a job transition, don't try to force your opinion of what they should do next. Instead, listen to their thoughts, remind them of their strengths, and let them figure out their own path. Hold their hand through the stressful process.
If they're going through personal growth, like building confidence or managing anxiety, resist the urge to "fix" them. Allow them to develop coping mechanisms at their own pace while you create a loving, non-judgmental space.
Respecting your partner's autonomy shows you see them as a capable individual. Support looks like believing in them, being a sounding board when needed, and letting them take the lead. It's the opposite of codependency. With mutual self-respect, you both have room to continue evolving together.
6. A partner is the cherry on top of a cake. The cake is your responsibility.
A good romantic partner can certainly enhance your happiness and life satisfaction - they're the delightful cherry on top adding extra sweetness. However, the foundation of a happy, fulfilling life has to come from within yourself first.
You can't rely on or expect a partner to "make" you happy or complete you. That's an unrealistic burden to place on someone else. The cake itself - your values, sense of self-worth, interests, goals etc. - is 100% your responsibility to bake and nurture.
As the saying goes, "you can't pour from an empty cup". If you're not content with yourself, no partner will be able to fill that void for you. Their love is a wonderful bonus, not the main course. Focus on developing self-love, passions, accomplishments, and inner peace first.
"A bad partner can ruin your happiness. But it's your responsibility not to let a bad cherry ruin your whole cake."
The inverse is also wise - being with the wrong person who doesn't treat you well can certainly detract from your happiness and well-being. However, the onus is still on you not to allow a toxic or negative partner to spoil the entire cake you've baked for yourself. As difficult as it may be, don't give them that power over your self-worth and joy.
"One rotten cherry shouldn't ruin the whole cake! You can whip up a way better cake anyway."
If a bad relationship does significantly diminish your spirit, remind yourself you have the strength and capabilities to start over. The ingredients to craft an even better cake for yourself are within you. Keep regaining confidence in your ability to create your own fulfilled life, with or without a partner's cherry on top.
7. Do not keep score!
Keeping score or demanding a strict 50/50 split of chores, finances, and responsibilities breeds resentment. One, again you are a team and shouldn't be competing against each other. Two, there's no such thing as a perfect quid pro quo balance because every partner has different strengths, schedules, and "unseen tasks" that aren't always apparent.
For example, one person may handle more of the visible household chores like cooking and cleaning. But the other may take on more mental load - tracking appointments, paying bills, making to-do lists. Some tasks are one-off while others are daily/weekly. It's impossible to divvy it all up 50/50 at all times.
The better mindset is to approach it as a team - giving 100% of your effort without keeping tallies or expectations of equal return at that moment. There will be seasons where one partner needs to carry more weight due to illness, work stress, personal struggles, etc. A loving partnership means being there fully when your partner needs you, just as you'll need their 100% someday too.
Love isn't always a 50/50 split. Sometimes you gotta pick up the slack (give 100%) when they're going through a tough time, and that's totally okay! They'll definitely have your back in the future. After all, that's what love is all about, right?
8. All problems can be solved, but not all problems are worth solving.
For sure, every problem out there can be tackled if you put your mind to it and get creative. But real talk? Not every little thing is worth stressing over and spinning your wheels. Sometimes you just gotta step back and accept that certain situations or differences between you and your partner ain't gonna magically change.
The smart move is sizing up whether this issue is something you can actually solve through solid communication, compromising, or putting an action plan in place that checks the important boxes for both of you. Like if your partner is constantly running late, that's fixable with some effort on punctuality and time management.
But other stuff springs from you two just being fundamentally different people—your core personalities, priorities, that kinda thing. That's when you might need to take a chill pill and embrace those quirks rather than trying to "fix" them.
The problems really worth tackling head-on are the big ones that cross major boundaries or values. Learn to pick your battles and separate the make-or-break issues from the small potatoes stuff.
Relationships mean navigating through those compatibility speed bumps together. True wisdom is putting in the work for the right reasons—solving stuff that actually matters and is humanly possible. For all the other little quirks that just make your partner who they are? The healthier route is accepting and adoring those "flaws" as part of the whole package. Not every problem needs a solution when you really vibe with someone. The important thing is solving the ones that really count and uplevel your whole lives together.
9. Never stop dating.
Even after years of being together, it's crucial to keep the spark alive and continue actively romancing your partner. Getting complacent or taking the relationship for granted is the death knell of intimacy.
The key is never forgetting to just be straight-up silly and goofy together sometimes, no matter how grown-up life feels. Whether it's rocking matching weird costumes at dinner, meowing at each other for no reason, or having a living room dance party on a random Tuesday, those moments of pure unfiltered joy and playfulness are pure magic. They melt away the stress and remind you of that child-like excitement you first fell for.
And date nights are still a must! Getting all dolled up to try funky new date spot restaurants, or recreating nostalgic throwbacks to your earliest dating days can reignite those fluttery butterfly feelings all over again. Whether it's something fresh or recreating an old fave like a blanket fort living room picnic, it's all about keeping things feeling new and adventurous.
Relationships can for sure get stale without that constant effort to woo each other. Little things like leaving flirty notes, celebrating even the tiniest wins, and making that quality time a priority breathe life into that slow-burn romance. You gotta stay those two passionate soulmates who choose to chase each other forever, not just boring roomies going through the motions.
The honeymoon phase may naturally fade, but the essence of dating and courting each other has to be a forever thing. Keeping the experiences fresh, making millions of goofy memories, and putting each other first above all? That's the stuff that true lasting love is made of.
10. Don’t lose yourself as an individual.
While being part of a committed relationship is immensely rewarding, it's crucial not to fully subsume your own identity. Maintaining a sense of self as an individual allows you to bring a whole, fulfilled person to the partnership.
At the end of the day, your partner fell for the whole, unique, multi-faceted YOU - not just the "significant other" version. They deserve to be with someone who has a rich life and identity beyond just being their plus-one, ya feel me?
It's so key to keep nurturing your own interests, hobbies, friend circle, and solo adventures even as you intertwine your lives. Don't ditch things that empower you and bring you joy - whether that's your exercise routine, reading for fun, volunteering, or anything else that makes you feel vibrant and purposeful. Keep growing as an individual!
The beauty is when you share those passions and parts of yourself with your partner too. The right person will celebrate your independence and autonomy, not try to squash it. You blend your worlds in a way that respects each other's breathing room.
Real healthy couple goals are being two secure, self-actualized people bringing their authentic, whole selves to the relationship. You enrich and inspire growth in each other, not compete or totally enmesh into one person. That spark of individuality is everything!
And there you have it, lovers - the top 10 game-changing insights for a happier, healthier partnership! ❤️
Relationships are a mix of sunshine and storms. But with a little patience, give-and-take, and laughter along the way, you can weather anything together. But knowing the secrets of thriving couples? That's true relationship enlightenment!
So keep this list bookmarked as you chase after your very own "happily ever after" side-by-side.
About the Author
Sheravi Mae Galang is a Content Coordinator for the Couply app. Couply was created to help couples improve their relationships. Couply has over 300,000 words of relationship quizzes, questions, couples games, and date ideas and helps over 400,000 people. You can connect with her through email here.
