Relationships are incredible, but they can also be incredibly difficult. We all know that communication is key, but it's easier said than done. But there are things you can do to improve your relationship and make it stronger.
The 1% Rule is one of those things.
What is the 1% Rule and How Can it Improve Relationships?
In the realm of relationships, small changes can yield significant transformations. Do you have that thing that your partner never does or always does that seems totally illogical or annoying for you? And for you, it seems so obvious and just plain common sense for you to do it that you end up just doing it every single time? Is there something that your partner constantly nags to you about, but that you think just isn’t a big deal?
This might be because of the 1% Rule
This rule is all about making small, consistent efforts to improve your relationship, one percent at a time. By focusing on making small positive changes every day, you can create a ripple effect that will transform your relationship. It's about taking responsibility for your part and being mindful of the impact your actions and words have on your partner. Implementing the 1% rule doesn't require grand gestures or expensive gifts. It's about being present, listening actively, showing appreciation, and being kind. It's about making your partner feel loved, respected, and supported.
If one person does something 1% more often than the other, it can make a 100% difference in the amount of times they do that thing.
You wake up 1% earlier than your partner 100% of the time you’re making the morning coffee.
You wash the towels 1% more often than your partner, 100% of the time you’re washing the towels.
You like the sink to be 1% cleaner than your partner, 100% your cleaning the sink.
You like the carpet to be 1% cleaner; 100% of the time it’s you pulling the vacuum out.
You’re 1% better at getting the baby to sleep.
These little 1% to 100% ratios show up everywhere. Think about 1% with patience, 1% better at organizing, 1% more free time to “run errands”, 1% better at cooking, 1% better at budgeting… it can get A LOT!
None of this is a problem if you’ve communicated and shared expectations about you and your partner's 1%’s and divided roles in a way that both of you are happy with.
Each of you are pulling your weight in what you’re doing.
Each of you have those little things that 100% of the time, you’re happy to do.
But where it can become a major problem is if these aren't addressed.
The relationship feels one sided. You feel exhausted. You might feel like our partner isn’t pulling their weight. Resentment builds. You nag them, and then – they don’t see your side!
Things start to crumble. Things start to feel ‘off’.
All because of a few pesky 1% differences that start making a true 100% difference in the quality of your bond.
How to Apply the 1% Rule in Your Relationship
The first step is to recognize each of you have 1%’s
Name them, share them and split them.
Have an honest conversation about expectations, perhaps your quirks and more importantly the value they are pinned to.
When your partner understands your values, it makes the expectations around 1%’s feels totally different. There is a story. They are part of you. Perhaps in sharing that, it might either lessen your attachment to them, or it’ll get your partner on your side.
So your partner might say; I want to have a clean sink, because I was raised in a dirty home, and I never had control over my environment. So, when you leave crap in the kitchen it just takes me right back to square one.
Okay yikes, most people who aren’t professional therapists don’t talk in that way in the real world, but it’s your job to don the detective hat – spy out these little 1%’s and then discover the value behind them.
Sometimes, they might need to be dispelled and sometimes they might need to be respected. With kind and emphatic discussion you’ll get there.
This is huge for your relationship. It will make your partner feel appreciated, loved and just pours tons cement into the structure of your relationship.
It seems so, so small, but these small thing often are all the nails, screws that strengthen your bond together.
Here are other few examples of how you can apply the 1% Rule to your relationship:
- Communication: Make an effort to communicate with your partner more openly and honestly. This could mean sharing your thoughts and feelings more freely, or simply listening to your partner without judgment.
- Intimacy: Spend more quality time with your partner, and make an effort to connect with them on a physical and emotional level. This could mean going on dates, cuddling on the couch, or simply having a conversation without distractions.
- Appreciation: Express your appreciation for your partner more often. This could mean telling them how much you love and appreciate them, or simply doing something nice for them.
- Conflict resolution: Learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy and constructive way. This could mean avoiding personal attacks, focusing on the issue at hand, and being willing to compromise.
Finally, if you and your partner can show appreciation for one another’s 1%’s and see the value they bring, well now you’re entering GOAT mode.
If you know your partner has a 1% and you appreciate it; thank them for it:
"Hey, I just want to say; I love how you’re so clean. It always means our space is nice. I know sometimes I complain; but overall it’s good for us."
"Hey, I love the effort you take making sure we always have fun new things to do.I know I worry a lot about finances, but my life is so much more fun with you thinking of these things. "
"Hey, I want to say thank you for taking out the trash, but especially in winter. You know I hate going out in the cold so I appreciate it."
"Hey, thank you for always sorting out our shoes. I know I let them get into a mess."
"Hey, I appreciate how good you are at sorting out our finances and getting us organized."
Doesn’t that feel great?
Creating a Daily Habit of Implementing the 1% Rule
To make the 1% Rule a habit, it's important to be consistent.
Here are a few tips:
- Choose one thing to focus on each day. Don't try to change too much at once. Pick one thing that you can focus on for a week or two. Once you've mastered that, you can move on to the next thing.
- Set a reminder. Set a reminder on your phone or computer to remind you to do your 1% Rule task each day. This will help you to stay on track.
- Make it easy. Make it as easy as possible for yourself to do your 1% Rule task. For example, if you're going to start saying "I love you" to your partner every day, put a sticky note on your bathroom mirror to remind you.
- Be patient. It takes time to see results from the 1% Rule. Don't get discouraged if you don't see a difference immediately. Just keep at it, and over time, you will see a big improvement in your relationship.
Overcoming Challenges and Staying Consistent with the 1% Rule
There will be days when it's difficult to stick to the 1% Rule. Maybe you're feeling tired or stressed, or maybe you're just having a bad day. That's okay. It's important to be forgiving of yourself and to pick up where you left off the next day.
Here are a few tips for staying consistent with the 1% Rule:
- Don't beat yourself up if you miss a day. Everyone slips up from time to time. Just pick up where you left off the next day.
- Make it a priority. Schedule time for your 1% Rule task each day, just like you would any other important appointment.
- Find a support system. Talk to your partner about the 1% Rule and get their support. You can also join an online or in-person support group for couples who are working on improving their relationships.
Start implementing the 1% Rule in your relationship today!
Just like what we said, there are many ways to implement the 1% Rule in your relationship, but one popular way is to use relationship apps such as the Couply app.
Couply is a couples app that helps you connect with your partner on a deeper level. It offers a variety of features, such as expert articles, couples quizzes, relationship questions, and couples games, that can help you improve your communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution skills.
Give Couply a try! It's a fun and easy way to implement the 1% Rule in your relationship and see real results.
