Let’s be honest—no one wants to think of themselves as selfish, but sometimes, we do things in relationships that put our own needs way ahead of our partner’s without even realizing it. And while a little self-care is great, constantly putting yourself first can chip away at the foundation of any relationship.

The good news? A little self-awareness can go a long way! Here are seven common selfish behaviors that can damage relationships—plus what to do instead.

1. Prioritizing Their Needs Over Their Partner’s

In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel equally valued and heard. But sometimes, one person unconsciously (or even deliberately) puts their own needs, desires, and comfort above their partner’s—creating an unbalanced dynamic that can lead to resentment.

How This Looks in a Relationship

• You always get to pick the restaurant, the weekend plans, or the vacation spot without considering what your partner would enjoy.
• You expect emotional support when you’re stressed but don’t offer the same level of care when your partner is struggling.
• You prioritize your own goals, career, or personal time without factoring in how it affects your partner.
• Your partner constantly adjusts their schedule, interests, or preferences to accommodate you, but you rarely do the same for them.

At first, this might not seem like a big deal, but over time, it can create a feeling of neglect or one-sidedness. Your partner may start feeling like their opinions, needs, and happiness don’t matter as much as yours.

Why This Happens

Sometimes, people don’t even realize they’re doing this. It could be a habit they developed in past relationships or a mindset where they assume their partner doesn’t mind going along with whatever they prefer. In other cases, it stems from deeper personality traits—like being naturally dominant, used to getting their way, or having a sense of entitlement.

How to Fix It

✅ Practice Compromise: If you usually make the decisions, take a step back and ask your partner what they want for a change. Even small gestures—like letting them pick the movie or dinner spot—can show you care.

✅ Consider Their Happiness, Too: Before making a choice, ask yourself: Is this just for my benefit, or will my partner enjoy it too?

✅ Check In Regularly: Have open conversations about whether your partner feels heard and valued. A simple “Hey, do you feel like our relationship is balanced?” can open up an important dialogue.

At the end of the day, relationships thrive when both partners feel equally important. Making a conscious effort to balance priorities ensures that both people feel appreciated—and that love doesn’t become one-sided.

2. Not Listening (But Expecting to Be Heard)

Ever had a conversation where you poured your heart out, only to realize the other person wasn’t really paying attention? Frustrating, right? One of the most selfish things people do in relationships is expect their partner to listen to them—venting, sharing opinions, or seeking advice—while not offering the same level of attention in return.

How This Looks in a Relationship

• Your partner starts talking about their day, but you’re scrolling through your phone or nodding absentmindedly without really engaging.
• You interrupt or steer conversations back to yourself instead of letting them fully express their thoughts.
• When they bring up concerns, you dismiss them with “You’re overreacting” or “That’s not a big deal.”
• You get upset when they don’t listen to you, even though you rarely extend the same courtesy.

Over time, this creates a dynamic where one person feels unheard and undervalued. Nobody wants to feel like their thoughts and feelings don’t matter—especially in a romantic relationship.

Why This Happens

Some people don’t listen intentionally—they just assume they already know what their partner is going to say. Others get distracted or prioritize their own thoughts and responses instead of focusing on what’s being shared. And in some cases, people dismiss their partner’s concerns because they don’t see the issue as important.

How to Fix It

✅ Practice Active Listening: Instead of just waiting for your turn to talk, really focus on what your partner is saying. Nod, make eye contact, and show genuine interest.

✅ Paraphrase & Validate: Repeat back what you heard to show you’re engaged—e.g., “So what you’re saying is, you had a really tough day at work because of your boss?”

✅ Ask Follow-Up Questions: This makes your partner feel valued and encourages deeper conversation. Instead of “Oh, okay,” try “How did that make you feel?” or “What happened next?”

✅ Put the Phone Down: If your partner is sharing something important, give them your full attention. A little effort goes a long way in making them feel heard.

Being a great listener isn’t just about communication—it’s about connection. When both partners feel heard and understood, it strengthens trust and deepens emotional intimacy.

3. Giving the Silent Treatment Instead of Communicating

We’ve all been there—someone upsets you, and instead of talking about it, you shut down completely. Maybe you cross your arms, give short answers, or ignore their attempts to talk. The silent treatment might feel like an easy way to handle conflict (or get back at your partner), but in reality, it creates emotional distance and leaves the issue unresolved.

Why People Use the Silent Treatment

Some people withdraw because they’re overwhelmed or need space to process their emotions. Others, however, use silence as a form of control—punishing their partner by refusing to engage until they “give in” or apologize. Either way, shutting down instead of communicating only builds resentment and confusion.

How It Damages Relationships

• Your partner feels rejected, confused, or anxious about what they did wrong.
• The problem doesn’t actually get solved—it just lingers beneath the surface.
• Over time, it creates emotional walls and makes honest communication harder.
• It can lead to an unhealthy power dynamic, where one partner feels like they have to “win back” the other’s affection.

Healthier Alternatives

✅ Take a Break—But Communicate It: Instead of going silent, say, “I need a little time to cool off, but let’s talk later.” This way, your partner knows you’re not ignoring them—you’re just processing.

✅ Express Your Feelings: Instead of shutting down, try saying, “I feel hurt/frustrated right now, and I need a moment.” This keeps the conversation open without escalating the conflict.

✅ Practice Resolution Over Punishment: Ask yourself, Am I trying to fix the problem or make my partner feel bad? If it’s the latter, it’s time to rethink how you’re handling conflict.

At the end of the day, relationships thrive on communication—not cold shoulders. If something is bothering you, expressing it in a healthy way will always get you further than shutting down.

4. Keeping Score in the Relationship

Ever feel like you and your partner are in an invisible competition? “I did the dishes last night, so you owe me.” “I planned our last date—when was the last time you did something romantic?” If you find yourself mentally keeping tabs on every chore, favor, or mistake, you might be stuck in a toxic scoreboard mentality.

Why Keeping Score Is a Problem

At first, it might seem fair—after all, relationships should be balanced, right? But constantly tallying who did what can lead to resentment and frustration instead of teamwork. Instead of appreciating what your partner does, you start focusing on what they haven’t done.

Here’s how it plays out:
❌ It creates unnecessary tension. If one person feels like they’re doing more, they may start to feel bitter instead of appreciated.
❌ It turns love into a transaction. Relationships aren’t about “owing” each other—it’s about mutual care and effort.
❌ It ignores different strengths. Maybe one partner is better at planning events while the other is great at handling daily responsibilities. Instead of focusing on a perfect 50/50 split, it’s about contributing in ways that make sense for both of you.

A Healthier Approach

✅ Shift the Mindset to Teamwork: Instead of “Who did more?” ask, Are we supporting each other? A strong relationship isn’t a tug-of-war—it’s a partnership.
✅ Show Appreciation Instead of Tracking Points: Instead of keeping score, acknowledge and thank your partner for their efforts. Gratitude goes a long way.
✅ Talk About Imbalances Openly: If you genuinely feel like things aren’t fair, don’t bottle it up—have a conversation. Say, “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with chores. Can we figure out a way to share the load?”

When you stop keeping score, you’ll likely feel more connected and less stressed. Love isn’t a competition—it’s about lifting each other up, not keeping tabs on who’s ahead.

5. Refusing to Apologize or Admit When They’re Wrong

Ever had an argument where your partner just couldn’t say “I’m sorry” even when they were clearly in the wrong? Or maybe you’ve been guilty of it yourself? We get it—admitting fault isn’t always easy, but refusing to do so can seriously damage a relationship.

Why Some People Won’t Apologize

For some, apologizing feels like admitting weakness. Pride and ego take over, and instead of owning up to their mistake, they:
❌ Deflect blame (“Well, you started it!”)
❌ Justify their actions (“I wouldn’t have said that if you didn’t make me mad.”)
❌ Deny any wrongdoing (“I don’t see what I did wrong.”)

But here’s the truth: Saying ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t make you weak—it makes you emotionally mature.

Why Apologizing Matters

A heartfelt apology shows that you value your partner’s feelings over your own pride. It rebuilds trust, prevents resentment, and keeps minor issues from turning into major conflicts. More importantly, it teaches both partners that mistakes are okay—as long as you take responsibility for them.

How to Apologize the Right Way

✅ Own Up to It: Instead of “I’m sorry you feel that way,” try “I’m sorry for what I said—I realize it hurt you.”
✅ Avoid ‘But’ Statements: A real apology isn’t “I’m sorry, but you were overreacting.” That just cancels out the apology.
✅ Make Things Right: Ask, “What can I do to fix this?” Showing that you care about repairing the situation makes all the difference.

At the end of the day, relationships aren’t about winning arguments—they’re about growing together. A simple “I’m sorry” might be all it takes to turn a bad day into a better one.

6. Taking Their Partner for Granted

It’s easy to appreciate someone in the honeymoon phase—compliments fly, good morning texts are a must, and every little thing they do feels special. But as time passes, some people start treating their partner like a given rather than a gift. And that’s where trouble starts.

Signs You Might Be Taking Your Partner for Granted

🚩 Ignoring their texts or taking forever to reply.
🚩 Forgetting to say “thank you” for the little things.
🚩 Expecting them to always be available but not returning the effort.
🚩 Not noticing or appreciating when they do something thoughtful.
🚩 Assuming they’ll always be there, no matter what.

Over time, feeling unappreciated can lead to resentment and emotional distance. No one likes to feel like their efforts don’t matter!

How to Show Appreciation (Without Overcomplicating It)

✔ Say “thank you.” Even for small things like making coffee or listening to you vent.
✔ Acknowledge their efforts. A simple “I see how hard you’re working, and I appreciate it” goes a long way.
✔ Be present. Put your phone down, make eye contact, and really engage when they’re talking.
✔ Do small acts of love. A random hug, a sweet note, or bringing them their favorite snack can make them feel valued.

At the end of the day, keeping love alive isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about making sure your partner feels seen, heard, and appreciated, every single day.

7. Being Emotionally Unavailable

A relationship without emotional connection feels like a phone with no signal—technically, it’s there, but it’s not really working. When one partner shuts down emotionally, the other can feel lonely, unheard, and even unloved.

Signs of Emotional Unavailability

🚩 Avoiding deep or serious conversations.
🚩 Responding with “I’m fine” instead of sharing real feelings.
🚩 Dismissing their partner’s emotions as “too much” or “dramatic.”
🚩 Physically present but emotionally distant (e.g., always distracted, rarely affectionate).
🚩 Not offering comfort or support when their partner is struggling.

When someone is emotionally unavailable, their partner might feel like they’re in a relationship alone. Over time, this can create frustration, disconnection, and even lead to emotional withdrawal from both sides.

How to Be More Emotionally Present

✔ Start small. If deep talks feel overwhelming, open up little by little.
✔ Validate feelings. Even if you don’t fully understand, let your partner know their emotions matter.
✔ Practice active listening. Put distractions away and focus on what they’re saying.
✔ Express love and appreciation. A simple “I love you” or “I’m here for you” can make a huge difference.
✔ Make an effort to engage. Ask questions, share your thoughts, and be part of the emotional connection.

At its core, relationships are about showing up—not just physically, but emotionally too. When both partners feel safe to express themselves and be vulnerable, love deepens and the bond strengthens.

Selfish behaviors can sneak into relationships without us even realizing it. But the good news? Awareness is the first step to change!

If you recognize any of these habits in yourself or your partner, don’t panic. Relationships aren’t about being perfect—they’re about learning, growing, and showing up for each other in meaningful ways.

💡 Key Takeaways:

‍✅ Relationships thrive on communication, compromise, and appreciation.
✅ A little self-awareness can prevent resentment and strengthen your connection.
✅ Love works best when it’s a two-way street—both partners giving and receiving equally!

At the end of the day, small efforts can lead to huge improvements. So, why not start today?