Every relationship has its ups and downs. But if you want to have a happy and lasting relationship, it's important to focus on the positives

How often do you consider your partner's feelings and feel motivated to offer them help? Doing these things requires empathy and compassion, and doing them consistently requires some self-control. This will teach you the importance of these attributes in your relationship, and show you how to work on them!

What Are the Benefits of Working on the Positives in Your Relationship?

There are many benefits to working on the positives in your relationship. Here are a few:

• Stronger bond: When you focus on the good things in your relationship, it helps to strengthen the bond between you and your partner.
• Greater happiness and fulfillment: Studies have shown that people who are happy in their relationships are also happier and more fulfilled overall.
• Improved communication: Working on the positives in your relationship can help you to communicate more openly and honestly with each other.
• More resilience: Strong relationships can help you to cope with stress and challenges more effectively.
• Better sex life: A happy and healthy relationship can lead to a more satisfying sex life.

How to Identify the Positives in Your Relationship

The first step to working on the positives in your relationship is to identify the things that are already going well. Here are a few tips:

• Think about the things you admire and appreciate about your partner. What makes them a special person? What do you love about them?
• Remember the good times you've shared together. Think about the things that have made you laugh, the things that have made you feel loved, and the things that have brought you closer together.
• Pay attention to the small things. It's often the little things in life that make a big difference in a relationship. Notice the ways that your partner makes your life easier or more enjoyable.

How to Make Small Changes That Can Have a Big Impact

Once you've identified the positives in your relationship, you can start to make small changes that can have a big impact. Here are a few ideas:

• Make time for each other. Even if it's just for a few minutes each day, make time to connect with your partner and let them know how much you care.
• Be affectionate. Don't forget to show your partner physical affection, such as hugs, kisses, and cuddles.
• Say "I love you" often. It's important to tell your partner how much you love and appreciate them.
• Do things you enjoy together. Make time for activities that you both enjoy, whether it's going out on dates, taking walks together, or simply spending time at home relaxing together.
• Be supportive. Be there for your partner through thick and thin. Let them know that you have their back and that you believe in them.

How to Work on the Positives in Your Relationship

Empathy

The ability to see your partner's perspective and feel their feelings is a critical aspect of understanding and intimacy in your relationship.

The development of empathy usually occurs in childhood, where you learn it from your parents. This factor is the reason you and your partner may differ in levels of empathy, aside from any personality or developmental disorders and delays.

Here is how you can get to work on your empathy! Develop an intellectual understanding of your partner's perspective, this is called cognitive empathy.

It can be improved by aiming to be more observant and inquisitive of your partner's feelings. This will include asking them to elaborate on their feelings when you don’t fully understand, and paying attention to their body language. 

To improve your emotional empathy or sharing the physical experience of your partner’s emotion, you will need to have a strong understanding of your own emotional experiences. Once you understand yourself, you will find it easier to understand  your partner. Checking in with yourself or journaling is a great way to ensure you’re focusing on understanding yourself. 

Compassionate empathy is the combination of cognitive and emotional; it is the type of empathy that occurs when you understand and feel how  your partner feels. This will naturally develop as you focus individually on cognitive and emotional empathy growth. 

If you want your relationship to last, you need to make sure you and  your partner place a high value on empathy. It will keep you connected and make you feel understood, this will reduce conflict and misunderstandings.

Empathy Fatigue

But what happens if you’re too empathetic?

You might experience empathy fatigue, this is characterized by the sudden inability to care for or about others. This happens if you experience repeated stress and negativity in your everyday environment, the inability to care is your body begging for a break. Empathy fatigue is a state of emotional exhaustion that can occur when people are constantly exposed to the suffering of others. It is similar to compassion fatigue, but it is more specific to the experience of feeling drained by the emotional needs of others.

Dealing with empathy fatigue is super easy if you can remember ABC: awareness, balance, and connection.

Be aware of how you feel throughout the day, especially in stressful situations. Take time to feel your feelings, and make note of what is causing them.

Find balance in your life, and try to make time for yourself. Ensure you have time to focus on your interests, to be lazy, to exercise, and do all of the fun little things that humans like to do!

Finally, connect with your partner if you are feeling empathy fatigued; feeling heard and understood will be very healing for you!

Compassion

Have you ever seen  your partner crying over something and you just wished you could pull the sadness right out of them? That is your compassion at work. It is really important for you and  your partner to practice showing each other compassion if you want to keep your relationship thriving and strong!

Here are some ways to show compassion in relationships:

1. Be present: When someone is sharing their feelings with you, give them your full attention. Put away your phone, make eye contact, and listen without judgment.

2. Listen actively: You’ll want to practice open communication and active listening. This means paying attention to what the other person is saying, both verbally and non-verbally. It also means asking clarifying questions and paraphrasing what you've heard to make sure you understand. This will give you guys the chance to talk about your problems and feelings, naturally this will allow you both the opportunity to identify ways to help each other out. ‘Helping’ your partner through a struggle may be simply hearing them out, hugging them, or helping them get something done that they’ve been putting off. Communication will help you identify how you can alleviate your partner’s emotional distress. 

3. Validate their feelings: Let the other person know that you understand how they're feeling, even if you don't agree with them. This doesn't mean you have to agree with their feelings, but it does mean that you respect them.

4. Offer support: Let the other person know that you're there for them and that you want to help. This could involve offering practical help, such as running errands or helping with childcare, or it could simply mean being a listening ear.

5. Don't judge: It's important to remember that everyone experiences emotions differently. Don't judge the other person for how they're feeling, even if you don't understand it.

6. Be patient: It takes time to heal from difficult experiences. Be patient with the other person and don't expect them to feel better overnight.

7. Encourage self-care: Help the other person to take care of themselves physically and emotionally. This could involve encouraging them to eat healthy, get enough sleep, and exercise.

Self-Control

Restricting and limiting your reactions to engage in healthy and positive behaviors is self-control. Have you ever been sharing a meal with  your partner and all of the sudden they start slurping or chewing in the most annoying manner? Instead of strangling them (which may have been your first thought,) you likely won’t say anything at all. If you don’t have great self-control maybe you would have snapped at them and made them feel bad or insecure… or even worse you actually go ahead with the strangling (only kidding).

So how do you gain better self-control? Experts suggest that self-control is a skill that must be exercised like a muscle. This means you must do something everyday that requires some level of self-control and work your way up to a more regimented habit. Your self-control may become exhausted if you push yourself over the limit, this is why we sometimes binge on sweets after a period of dieting. You can increase your self-control by exercising each day, starting with a five minute workout is a great place to start. Try giving your partner a little rub or massage everyday, even if you don’t really feel like it.

Keeping track of your progress and forgiving yourself if you miss a couple days will support you. It will be motivating to see how long you’ve practiced something, you will also be able to notice differences in your self-control as time passes along. Forgiving yourself if you aren’t picture perfect is important too, this will ensure you have deserved rest and avoid self-control exhaustion.

Tips for Staying Motivated

Working on the positives in your relationship takes time and effort, but it's worth it. Here are a few tips for staying motivated:

• Set realistic goals. Don't try to change everything all at once. Start by making small changes that you know you can stick to.
• Celebrate your successes. When you reach a goal, take the time to celebrate your success. This will help you to stay motivated and keep moving forward.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you're struggling to work on the positives in your relationship, don't be afraid to ask for help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with support and guidance.

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