Love. It's a feeling that can sweep you off your feet, ignite passion, and fill your life with joy. But as the initial spark inevitably fades, many couples find themselves facing a daunting question: how do we stay in love? Maintaining a fulfilling, passionate relationship over time requires commitment, effort, and a willingness to nurture your connection.

That heart-fluttering, can't-eat, can't-sleep, energized-by-love feeling when you first fall for someone is intoxicating. You feel like you're floating on air and you never want it to end. But despite what the fairytales depict, even the most passionate early stage love mellows over time. The burning intensity gives way to a warm glow, though it can still light you up from within.

So how do you fan those flames enough to stay warm forever? How do you take that initial giddy infatuation and transform it into lasting, committed devotion? Research shows it's definitely possible, even if it takes intention, empathy, and effort.

Here are some key insights and actionable tips, backed by research and real-life examples, to help you navigate the journey of lasting love:

1.Keep Courting No Matter How Long You've Been Together

In the early throes of romance, you likely showered your partner with attention and made winning them over your mission. But as comfort and familiarity set in, it's easy to get lazy. Don't fall into this trap!

Studies have found that small acts of service, gifts, and keeping the romance alive leads to higher relationship satisfaction and lowers the chances of breakup by 50% or more.

Keep asking them out on dates. Plan regular weekend getaways. Surprise them with flowers or their favorite dessert. Text them midday just to say you miss them. Leave loving notes for them to find. Research shows the small stuff matters when it comes to longevity. So keep stoking those flames.

2.Nurture Intellectual & Emotional Intimacy

While physical connection contributes to overall intimacy, it isn't the whole story. The best relationships also have partners who are emotionally intimate with one another - they communicate openly, understand each other on a deep level, share hopes and dreams, and provide emotional support.

Having intellectual chemistry is important too. The relationships with the greatest longevity are those in which both partners enjoy learning from and with one another. They share ideas, debate respectfully, and revel in mutual growth.

Research by Reis and Shaver (1988) emphasizes the role of emotional intimacy in creating a secure and lasting connection.

So ask insightful questions to understand your partner's inner world on an ever deeper level. Share articles or books that capture your imagination. Debate philosophies over coffee on a lazy Sunday morning. Keep your curiosity about their inner landscape alive. It's key for going the distance.

3.Prioritize Quality Time & Shared Experiences

With packed schedules and the daily stresses of adult life, it can be tough to find time to nurture your relationship. But studies clearly show that couples who spend meaningful time together, especially shared activities they both enjoy, have higher levels of satisfaction overall.

Research by Hawkins et al. (2008) highlights the positive correlation between relationship satisfaction and the amount of time couples spend together.

So schedule regular date nights - and don't just default to dinner and a movie. Go salsa dancing. Take a pottery class. Learn to brew your own beer. The goal is to step out of your routine and experience something new together. It sparks neural connectivity and releases feel good chemicals that revive the passion.

Planning weekend trips together - whether hiking in the mountains, hitting the local wine trail, or just holing up in a cozy cabin to sleep in and lounge - also connects you outside of your regular environment. You get to see each other with fewer distractions. And you return home feeling renewed.

4.Practice Appreciation & Affection

It's easy in long term relationships to start taking each other for granted. You assume they just know how important they are to you. But showing appreciation and affection consistently matters - a lot.

Partners who express gratitude towards each other have higher levels of commitment and are more dedicated to the relationship. (4) Never assuming your partner knows how you feel without you telling them explicitly is key.

Gestures like hugging hello and goodbye each day, kissing for no particular reason, snuggling during a movie, rubbing their shoulders after a long day, grabbing their hand while you're out and about - these small shows of physical affection release oxytocin and serotonin, hormones that boost bonding. Keep that biochemical love cocktail flowing!

Most importantly, tell your partner what you admire and appreciate about them regularly. Write little love notes. Send appreciative texts. Verbalize all those positive thoughts you have about them - don't keep them to yourself. The more you express gratitude, the more you'll have to be grateful for.

5.Never Stop Learning & Growing - Together!

Boredom can be the death knell of many relationships that start out strong. You have to nurture growth - both individually and together as a couple. Discover new passions. Set goals and challenge yourselves. Learn new things together.

Take turns picking museums, theaters, festivals or lectures you think the other would enjoy - make expanding each others' perspectives a priority. Set a goal like running a 5K together and train side by side. Learn ballroom dance or how to sail. Take acting classes or photography lessons. The shared journey of growth is part of the glue that bonds you through time.

Most importantly, support each other through the highs and lows that life brings. Be their biggest cheerleader! Shared meaning and purpose in riding life's ups and downs together builds bonds that can weather even the biggest storms.

6.Master the Art of Communication

Communication is the bedrock of any successful relationship. Research by Gottman and Silver (1999) underscores the importance of open and honest communication in maintaining lasting love. Regular check-ins, sharing feelings, and active listening contribute to a strong and resilient emotional connection.

Open, honest and empathetic communication is like oxygen for healthy relationships. Partners who create safe spaces to express vulnerabilities, resolve conflicts in a spirit of mutual understanding, and actively listen without judgement have the most resilient bonds over decades.

So check any ego or defensiveness at the door when you hit a bumpy patch. Approach issues as you both versus the problem, not you versus your partner. And remember, sometimes just wrapping each other in a hug and whispers of affection can resolve tensions faster than analyzing the roots of discontent. Mastering communication is a lifelong endeavor, but the journey together is part of the reward.

7.Celebrate the Everyday Victories

In the daily hustle of juggling work, family, responsibilities and more, it can be easy to brush off everyday accomplishments. Oh, I just threw in a load laundry, no big deal. I unloaded the dishwasher this morning, boring. I swung by the grocery store on my way home - routine.

But in relationships, celebrating and expressing appreciation for your partner's everyday efforts, not just the big grand gestures, has huge returns. It boosts oxytocin, makes you both feel cared for, and motivates you to continue contributing to each other's well being.

So when your partner throws in a load of laundry, washes the dishes after dinner, picks up the kids, gets an oil change for your car - notice it! Thank them. Celebrate them choosing you, choosing "us", in those little ways day after day. It pays dividends.

8.Keep the Spark Alive with Romance and Playfulness

All relationships go through ups and downs - times you're deliriously sync, and times you feel out of tune. But bringing an element of playfulness, wonder and childlike joy to your continued courtship can smooth out the rough patches.

Surprise your partner with impromptu slow dancing in the kitchen. Schedule an adventurous date doing something way out of both your comfort zones. Tell silly jokes and banter. Wrestle like playful puppies. Go cloud gazing and point out fantastical shapes. Play footsie under the table like teenagers.

In other words, don't forget the sheer fun of being in love! It keeps you both feeling vibrant. And a sense of humor in hard times can save most situations from despair. So keep playing together - it keeps you forever young at heart.

9.Prioritize Individuality and Support

As the saying goes, "you've got to be apart to be together." Nurturing your individual friendships, hobbies, career aspirations and more gives you fuller lives to share with your partner. You return to each other renewed with fresh passion and stories to tell.

At the same time, prioritize being your partner's biggest supporter. Show up to their work events, performances, sports games and anything else you can cheer them on at. Validate their dreams and do what you can to help them achieve goals that light them up.

Having a strong sense of individual identity outside the relationship, while also offering unwavering support of each other's separate pursuits, makes your bond 10X stronger. It gives you fuller hearts to connect.

10.Weather the Storms Together

No relationship is immune from stresses, hardships, loss, pain - all the curveballs life tends throw. But how you weather those storms together determines whether it breaks you or forges you tighter through the turbulence.

Meeting pain with compassion rather than blame, turning towards each other for comfort rather than away, grieving together, supporting each other through professional or health crises - these experiences of being "in the trenches" can connect you at the deepest level. You face mortality, fragility and the unexpected together - and are the stronger for it.

Research by Bodenmann (2005) emphasizes the importance of mutual problem-solving skills in maintaining relationship satisfaction.

So when faced with life's inevitable ups and downs, see the difficulties as opportunities to know each other more profoundly. How you care for each other when you're suffering reveals far more than just the sunny, playful days ever can. It's how true character shows up. Face the tempests side by side, let your tears mingle, hold on tight. The rainbow will emerge.

11.Nurture Forgiveness and Compassion

No matter how much in love, all couples inevitably hurt each other's feeling sometimes. It’s unrealistic to think you’ll never screw up. But the key is how quickly you mend fences again and nurture forgiveness.

Grudges and bitterness corrode relationships slowly from the inside. But compassion nurtures deep and lasting bonds.  Everyone has bad days or unintentionally says something insensitive once in a while. It’s just part of being human.

So give each other grace. Apologize sincerely when needed —and don’t hold your partner to unrealistic standards of perfection either. A relationship isn’t always 50/50 either — sometimes it’s 60/40, or even 80/20 as you take turns caring for each other. Practice patience and remember why this person is so very worth it.

Forgiveness nourishes love. It’s the strongest foundation for a future embracing all of life’s beauty and sorrow, together as one.

12.Cultivate Shared Goals and Dreams

Having a sense of shared purpose, goals and dreams you create together - whether starting a family, working towards career dreams, building your dream home, or making once-in-a-lifetime memories - gives lifelong relationships spine.

Research by Aron et al. (2000) suggests that couples who engage in joint activities and share common goals report higher relationship satisfaction.

When you spend weeks planning that dream trip to Africa, set a 10 year plan in motion to open your own business, embark on home renovation projects together, whatever your goals may be - you light each other up. And at the end of the long days, you get to celebrate progress and collapses into each other's arms satisfied from seeing dreams inch closer.

So carve out time for long meandering conversations about what most sets your souls on fire. Craft a shared bucket list. Sketch out 5 and 10 year plans - then break it down to mini goals for today. Keep stoking each other’s sense of wonder and purpose. It keeps your bond as strong as steel.

13.Embrace Novelty and Spontaneity

There’s something to be said for predictable domestic rhythms and routines bonding relationships over time. But making space for novelty, change and surprise preserves youthful verve too.

Research by Aron and Aron (1997) suggests that injecting novelty and spontaneity into a relationship can reignite the spark.

So change up date nights and shake up routines. Be spontaneous some nights! Book last minute trips without overplanning every detail. Say yes to new adventures like learning to surf or adopting a dog together when you least expect the urge.

Welcoming some chaos into the order keeps you both feeling alive as you continue growing old together. And who knows? You might just discover new passions you never imagined by opening your hearts to spontaneity. Lifelong love thrives on intuition, playfulness and wandering together down new paths.

14.Utilize Couple Apps

In today's digital era, more and more couples are utilizing technology to nurture their bonds in creative ways. Apps like Couply allow you to share private messages, do regular check ins, schedule date nights, and more.

So embrace novel avenues like couple apps! When woven intentionally into your relationship, they can help fan the flames no matter how long you've been together.

The Takeaway: True Love is a Verb - So Keep Taking Action!

The feeling of falling head over heels in love is one of life's greatest gifts. But you have to move past just being in love. To stand the test of time, true love must also be something you DO - by nurturing intimacy, expressing appreciation, supporting growth together, and more. It's about how you treat each other minute to minute, day to day.

Love may arrive in a burst of stars colliding. But real magic comes from all the purposeful moments invested afterwards - the romance you stoke intentionally, the caring gestures, the laughter shared. So keep dating, keep connecting, keep exploring together. Fall in love a million little times, and you'll build a bond to last several lifetimes over. There's no more powerful magic than that!

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About the Author

Sheravi Mae Galang is a Filipino psychometrician and writer who delves into the complexities of love and relationships. With a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and a current pursuit of a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology, she explores human relationships, focusing on the psychology behind attachments, communication, personal growth, and more. Sheravi aims to increase understanding of the factors that influence relationships in order to help people nurture stronger bonds.

You can connect with her through email (sheravimaegalang@gmail.com).