Have you or your partner been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and are starting to see the impacts it can have on your relationship?
Or maybe you are just here for some general knowledge.
In 2022, the prevalence for the disorder in the United States was approximately 1.6% of the population (Chapman, Jamil, Fleisher, 2022). The diagnostic criteria for BPD includes impulsive behaviours, self-sabotage, having a deep fear of being abandoned while making every effort to avoid it, trouble maintaining intimate relationships, unstable ideas about who they are and their sense of self, drastic changes in mood, depression and anger, and potential dissociation (Barlow, et al., 2015).
Patients with Borderline PD often have trouble with delayed gratification. They prefer immediate reward over a potentially bigger pay-out at a later time. This is also known as a lack of impulse control and it can play a larger role in the increased rates of attempted suicide (Oldham, 2006). The sense of disconnection from their identity may come from an inability to regulate the intense emotions they experience and therefore they may have to resort to self-harm.
Now that we have an understanding of the potential symptoms that come with a BPD diagnosis, lets talk about how this may impact relationships. Individuals with this disorder often feel things very strongly and very inconsistently (Barlow, Durand, Stewart, Lalumiere, 2015), therefore, one minute they may be incredibly in love with their partner and the next they may be struggling with intense feelings of anger towards them. They oftentimes fear abandonment and will do everything in their power to prevent their partner from leaving them, even if these actions are unhealthy, and trust does not come easy for them (Miano, Fertuck, Roepke, & Dziobek 2017). Intense emotions can lead to the feeling of walking on eggshells around individuals diagnosed with this disorder.
So, what are some ways that you and your partner can cope with some of the struggles associated with having this BPD?
First, something to note is the strengths that these individuals can bring to the table. Someone diagnosed with BPD is likely very invested in their relationship and will show this through affection and dedication (Holland, 2019). Learning about the disorder if your partner has it is a way to show support and effort in maintaining the relationship (2019). Couples therapy can be a useful tool for those really struggling with communicating properly (2019).
Secondly, it is essential to educate yourself about this condition. This includes understanding the symptoms, causes, and treatment options. There are many resources available online and in libraries that can help you learn more about BPD. By doing so, you will be able to better understand what your partner is experiencing.
Additionally, it is important to be patient and understanding. People with BPD often have difficulty regulating their emotions. This can lead to impulsive behavior, mood swings, and intense reactions. It is important to be patient and understanding with the person, and to remember that their behavior is not a reflection of you.
If you are struggling to manage BPD in your relationship, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you learn how to set boundaries, communicate effectively, and cope with the challenges of the disorder.
Lastly, it is essential to take care of yourself. It is important to take care of yourself when you are in a relationship with someone with BPD. This means setting boundaries, getting support from others, and taking time for yourself. It is also important to remember that you cannot control the person's behavior.
Handling BPD in relationships can be challenging, but it is possible to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone who has this disorder. With education, support, and patience, you can create a relationship that works for both of you. If you are in a relationship with someone with BPD, it is important to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help you, and there is hope for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
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