Being in a long-distance relationship is undeniably hard. When miles separate you from your partner, maintaining an intimate connection poses unique challenges. Can relationships withstand the distance? With advancements in technology, individuals can now connect with their loved ones across vast distances, but the question remains: do long distance relationships really work?
Let’s explore the trials of long-distance love and whether these relationships can go the distance.
What are Long-Distance Relationships?
A long distance relationship (LDR) is any partnership where the partners cannot regularly see each other face-to-face due to geographic distance. Partners may live in different cities, states or even countries. With the number of dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid, long-distance relationships have become increasingly common today. Recent surveys suggest 4-5 million couples are in LDRs just in the United States, and that number continues rising.
This separation prevents physical intimacy and in-person quality time essential for bonding. Communication primarily occurs remotely via phone, text, video chat or social media. This distance tests even the strongest connections.
Challenges Faced in Long-Distance Relationships
While long distance love can thrive under the right conditions, absence makes the heart grow fonder...and also introduces struggles proximal couples take for granted. What recurring issues plague couples conquering the miles?
1. Lack of Physical Intimacy
By far the most acute challenge is the inability to have regular physical closeness—no hand-holding while taking a stroll, goodbye hugs lingered a beat too long, good morning kisses or falling asleep tangled together after intimacy.
This can be particularly difficult for people with physical touch as their love language. When my partner lived across the country for work, our chemistry certainly suffered between visits. Video calls are some consolation for visually connecting but cannot physically substitute in-person contact you crave after months apart.
Going a year without being able to hug, kiss, or be sexually intimate with your partner can severely strain the relationship. Couples may start questioning if their partner finds them attractive anymore or if the spark is still there.
2. Miscommunication Risk
Relying predominantly on digital communication leaves more room for misconstrued tone or intent to spiral. Spotty connections freezing up during a deep relationship check-in, delays answering sensitive texts after a fight or messages lacking body language cues contribute towards misunderstandings. Partners must overcommunicate context and constantly clarify.
Texting and messaging often lacks the nonverbal cues you get from in-person conversations. For instance, my partner took something I said over text the wrong way because without hearing my tone of voice or seeing my face, they perceived more sarcasm than was intended.
LDR partners also miss out on those casual conversations while cooking dinner or cuddling in bed. A daily check-in text exchange just isn't the same for maintaining intimacy.
3. FOMO & Jealousy
When your long distance partner goes out with coworkers you’ve never met or travels to a music festival without you, fear of missing out can swiftly kick jealousy into overdrive. Out of sight means you fill in the blanks with insecurities. Some badger their partner constantly about their activities or make accusations about fidelity. Establishing unconditional trust and allowing freedom combats this.
With your partner having a whole separate social life that you're detached from, feelings of missing out or jealousy can brew. An acquaintance of mine actually broke up with his LDR girlfriend after becoming convinced she was interested in a coworker she frequently mentioned when they talked.
Having unscheduled blocks of free time while your partner is at work or out can also lead to overthinking about what they might be doing without you there.
4. Feeling Disconnected
Between busy, separate lives filled with people unfamiliar to your partner, sometimes LDR couples report feeling like roommates just catching each other up on their days rather than sharing an emotional journey. The inability to ask in passing about your love’s meal while you make dinner side-by-side or vent about an annoying coworker in person leads to losing intimacy’s little moments. Consistent communication sharing laughs, sorrows and affection maintains bonds through impersonal miles.
When daily communication gets reduced down to just "recapping high-level highlights" of your week for each other, some LDR couples say the quality of intimacy suffers. You risk growing apart instead of closer together.
For example, a friend felt like he no longer really "knew" his semi-long distance girlfriend after not having off-the-cuff conversations about everyday things for awhile. They struggled feeling emotionally distant as a result.
It's completely normal to encounter hardships like the above while working through separation challenges as a team. The obstacles seem far more surmountable having unconditional support your committed partner's love provides, even from afar.
Myths and Reality About Long-Distance Relationships
When it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship from afar, what you think you know may actually be myths that do not necessarily match reality.
Let’s separate fact from fiction when it comes to LDRs.
Myth: Long-distance partnerships lack chemistry
Reality: Emotional and sexual chemistry can remain strong. Remote intimacies like video chats, racy photos, sexting, and romantic voice messages foster deep connection. The inability to have physical intimacy whenever you want actually amplifies attraction during visits (Lehmiller, 2022). There are creative alternatives for couples craving chemistry across the miles.
Myth: Long distance breeds jealousy and suspicion
Reality: Just because you do not see a partner frequently does not mean they will hook up with others, given strong trust and open communication. Jealousy is normal but should not consume a healthy LDR. Discuss your schedule transparently and leave no room for doubt about fidelity. Check-ins reassure while allowing personal freedom (Goldstein, 2022).
Myth: LDRs have almost no shot at working out long-term
Reality: False. Those assuming most long-distance relationships are doomed may cite difficulty maintaining intimacy or higher probability of meeting someone local. However, many long-distance partnerships spanning states or nations do eventually reunite permanently and live happily ever after when both members are truly committed and proactively bond despite geographic hurdles (Jiang & Hancock, 2013). There are absolutely LDR success stories, much to the surprise of naysayers!
How to Make Long-Distance Relationships Work
Longing to make this star-crossed long-distance love go the distance? While the miles may be daunting, success is absolutely achievable. What practical strategies strengthen bonds stretched across states or continents?
While myths about the inability to sustain LDRs may be exaggerated, the reality is distance does strain many relationships to their breaking point. However, certain factors greatly improve the prospects of defying the miles. So, how do you really make long-distance relationships work?
1. Commitment Level
Both members must share an unconditional commitment to each other and belief the relationship is well worth any hardships caused by separation. Occasional loneliness or doubt is normal, but the devotion to your partner should not waver, knowing any distance is temporary.
2. Trust and Communication Habits
Complete, unwavering trust is essential, especially when a partner’s daily activities are more opaque. Communicate regularly in profound and silly ways just like a proximal couple would. Video chat and text often about minor daily moments, not just milestones. Send affectionate messages reinforcing intimacy from afar.
3. Love Languages
Determine each other's preferred "love languages": physical touch, quality time, gift-giving, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Identify substitutes for tougher languages, like touch. A personalized gift or heartfelt message goes a long way. Discussion of needs prevents feelings of emotional starvation.
Read: 50+ Ways to Express Love in Long-Distance Relationships (for All Love Languages)
4. Visitation Strategy
Frequent visits, whenever possible, are huge for maintaining intimacy. Budget travel costs just like any shared activity. Explore each other’s remote worlds. The simple act of planning the next trip gives you something special to look forward to.
LDRs cannot survive solely virtually. In-person reunifications affirm your bond as a real couple, despite the daily distance.
5. Consistent Communication
Make time for real conversations often—not just logistical planning but checking in emotionally, sharing laugh-out-loud moments from your day, flirting, 420 for two, and being open about challenges. Live video chats feel more meaningful with facial cues.
My partner would do video calls while walking around his neighborhood, so I felt more connected to his everyday world across the country. We’d chat about our highs and lows while taking these virtual strolls together.
6. Symbolic Gestures
Send old-fashioned love letters, care packages of favorite gifts and snacks, customized Spotify playlists that remind you of them, or even order DoorDash to surprise them miles away. These symbolic gestures reinforce intimacy from afar.
During a rough patch, my girlfriend mailed me a gift box filled with nostalgic memorabilia from our relationship milestones captioned “Open when you need reminding why we can survive the distance.” It touched my heart.
7. Commit To An End Date
Having a goalpost when distance closes for good gives you both milestones to countdown towards. Calculate how soon it is feasible through job transfers, school programs, or visa timelines to finally cohabit in the same city. It makes the separation more bearable.
8. Do Activities “Together”
Just because you’re apart physically doesn’t mean you can’t still share experiences to foster intimacy.
Read for more ideas: Alphabet Dating Ideas For Long-Distance Relationships and 15 Long Distance Relationship Activities
And, of course, you can always use Couply! Couply is the relationship app for couples. It has tons of relationship questions, couples quizzes, expert articles. and even games that both you and your partner can do to help strengthen your relationship!
With concerted effort and proton intention, long-distance love can thrive across the miles. The distance will only make reuniting for good that much sweeter!
The bottom line is that with concerted effort, strategic planning, and uncompromised commitment, an LDR can be rewarding and stand the test of time until you close the gap for good. Distance makes reuniting that much sweeter!
About the Author
Sheravi Mae Galang is a Content Coordinator for the Couply app. Couply was created to help couples improve their relationships. Couply has over 300,000 words of relationship quizzes, questions, couples games, and date ideas and helps over 400,000 people.
Sheravi enjoys wring and is currently studying at the Cebu Institute of Technology - University for her current pursuit of a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology. You can connect with her through email (sheravimaegalang@gmail.com).
