Performance-related issues in a relationship can cause a lot of trouble for couples, and if left unaddressed, they can become even more of a problem down the line of the relationship.

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For people who are dating, this can end up being a sore point, that reduces their confidence when meeting new people.

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The root of performance issues have diverse sources. Sometimes they are easy to point out, while others require a little extra thought and maybe some outside help to find solutions to your problems.

Common performance issues

To experience a happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship, you need to remove these blockages to achieve a relationship that is genuine and intimate. These can affect both men and women in the relationship, with only a few minor differences. 

Sexual performance

The root of sexual performance issues often comes from a lack of desire. Erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and even a low libido can occur because of stress and anxiety, an unhealthy work-life balance, distractions, and even a lack of variety during intercourse. 

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There can also be psychological reasons as well. This includes low self-esteem, performance anxiety, a general lack of confidence in the bedroom, and even the side effects of certain medications.

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Tips: Try to focus on mindful practices to help with your anxiety and stress levels. Working on your time management can help divide your work-life balance. Overall, you should take care of your health by exercising and eating better. 

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In certain cases where issues like erectile dysfunction occur, which, according to the NHS, is something that is common in about 50% of UK men over the age of 40, there are supplements available to improve performance and help with spicing up life in the bedroom.

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Emotional Struggles:

Struggling with non-sexual intimacy can also affect your bedroom and your day-to-day interactions with your partner. 

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Poor communication is one of the biggest issues faced by couples, and it is often a result of being isolated, feeling alone, depression, anxiety and not connecting on a deeper level. 

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Then, there is emotional vulnerability, which happens because you are scared of being hurt or betrayed. This can lead to having a hard time forming relationships, or being closed-off regarding personal experiences or emotions.

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Tips: Going for therapy can help you with the deep-rooted emotional blockages that you are experiencing. If this isn’t the right route for you, or if you want to start off small, try journaling or setting aside time for self-reflection. 

Practical performance

Social issues like trying to balance life and dating and your physical appearance. Some may have difficulty meeting people or going on dates, and sometimes financial issues also play a role in your confidence when dating. 

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Tips: Set aside time to improve your social life. Try to expand your social outings and meet new people. Make it a point to practice self-care, and work on a suitable budget to complement your lifestyle.

Causes of intimacy issues

These issues can happen for several reasons. This includes psychological factors, relationship dynamics, health-related issues, external stress, and even the natural progression of a relationship.

Psychological issues 

People who have had negative childhood experiences like trauma and abuse often have issues with trust and intimacy. In some cases, people have a fear of abandonment which comes with strained relationships that they had with their family as a child. Some people also feel shame and have self-esteem issues that affect how they are intimate with others.

External Stress

Stress relating to work, time, finances, and other personal issues can contribute to a lack of sexual and emotional intimacy with your partner. This may result in a lot of confusion and emotional distance in the relationship.

Physical factors 

Your health plays a big role in your ability to be intimate. Sleep deprivation, mental health struggles, and medication, such as anti-depressants, can impact your sexual desire and performance in the bedroom. If not addressed, it can also create a divide and distance in your relationship. 

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The Relationship itself 

There are several relationship-related factors that can affect your intimacy levels. This comes about when there is poor communication between partners, underlying trust issues, infidelity, a build-up of long-term resentment, settling into a routine devoid of excitement, changes in appearance, and the shifting of priorities can all play a role in intimacy issues. 

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Ways to boost confidence

When meeting new people 

• You want to always be genuine, especially when meeting someone new. Bonding over shared interests and passions can improve your relationship.

• Being self-aware about your imperfections can help you be more relatable to the next person. It is also important that you don’t come across as self-deprecating, as being too negative about yourself can put others off.

• Practice speaking with clarity and warmth, especially regarding topics that you find exciting. Others will pick up on this and become more engaging with you.  

Personal Growth

• Recite affirmations before going out on a date. These small words of wisdom can significantly improve your mindset. 

• To improve your personal growth, you want to step out of your comfort zone and perhaps try something different. The experience might end up being more fulfilling than you previously anticipated. If you unlock a new secret talent, it can help you feel more confident in yourself.

• Create personal goals that you can work toward to improve your self-esteem. This can include suggestions we mentioned before, like therapy and mindfulness exercises.

• Ensure that you are aware of the differences between confidence and seeking external validation. The latter can diminish your confidence levels.

If your partner is struggling with confidence

• Prioritize creating a safe space for you and your partner, so that you can communicate openly and discuss any underlying issues that you may be experiencing. 

• Be patient with your partner if they are struggling with intimacy, ensure that they receive your support.

Summary

Dating and being in a relationship with underlying issues that affect your confidence is extremely difficult. From sexual issues to emotional ones, the key is to introspect and find the root of these troubles. Therapy, being social, communicating with loved ones, and being mindful are great stepping stones to help you build more confidence in your life. 

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