Are you thinking of taking the next big step in your relationship and moving in with each other? Waking up to your partner every morning, getting ready with each other for you days, coming home to each other every evening and cuddling in bed every night. Sounds like the perfect scenario right? There are so many videos and posts on social media that romanticize moving in with your partner and show how amazing it would be to cohabitate with your partner. But is it really that simple? What those videos don’t tell you is how much of a big deal moving in with your partner is. It is a huge step in any relationship that could completely change the dynamic of your relationship. Before taking the plunge, you should probably have a very open and honest conversation with your partner about this big step to make absolutely sure that you are both ready and in a healthy place to move on with the next big step in your relationship.
Of course I can’t just leave you with no ideas of how to approach this important conversation! After much careful thought and research, I have compiled 54 simple questions that you can use whilst judging whether you and your partner are ready to cohabitate.
Communication and Rules
1. How much time do you need to yourself? You don’t want to always be in each others way. Make sure you both find a happy medium with the amount of time you spend with one another.
2. What are your bathroom routines? Discuss shower schedules, privacy needs, etc.
3. How do you handle conflict? Living together means more opportunities for fights - make sure to discuss how you'll resolve them.
4. How much privacy do you need? Do you need time behind a closed door?
5. What are your pet peeves? Understanding each other's minor annoyances will help to avoid tension.
6. How do you feel about PDA in shared spaces? Discuss preferences for showing affection at home.
7. How much television do you watch? Make sure your TV/movie tastes are somewhat aligned so that both of your entertainment needs are met.
8. What music do you listen to? If your music tastes clash, invest in good headphones.
9. What are your sleeping habits? Discuss optimal sleep conditions (like how many pillows you want on your bed - yes i am looking at you ladies!) and pet peeves like snoring.
10. Do you have any allergies or sensitivity to smells? This could impact household products, pets, etc.
11. What time do you go to bed and wake up? Try to make sure that your sleeping schedules don’t clash too much.
12. How do you feel about sharing a closet? Who is in need of the most closet space? Make sure to compromise on division of closet space.
13. Do you take your shoes off when you come home? Do you leave your shoes outside of the home? Decide on a footwear policy.
14. How do you feel about drugs and alcohol? Make sure your use or abstinence aligns.
15. How do you handle disagreements with friends and family? Discuss how much you'll weigh in on each other's outside relationships.
16. How important is religion/spirituality? Share views on religious beliefs and expectations.
17. What are deal breakers that would make you leave? Infidelity? Lack of intimacy? Make sure to have an in depth discussion about these topics.
18. How do you envision splitting up if we were to break up? Break-ups are hard and can happen to everyone - make sure to have a plan in case it happens.
19. How will we handle ordering takeout food? Take turns choosing restaurants or stick to favorites? How often do you plan on ordering takeout?
20. How will we make time for date nights? Just because you live together does not mean that date nights have to stop. Don't neglect your romantic relationship when life gets busy.
21. How will we stay connected to friends and family? Social needs may differ - make sure yours are met.
22. How will we handle being sick? Taking care of each other is part of commitment.
23. How will we keep the spark alive? Don't take each other for granted when you're sharing space.
24. How will we split time with family during the holidays? Avoid tension by discussing traditions and family expectations.
25. How much screen time do you need each day? Make sure you can both find balance between devices and quality time.
26. How do you unwind after a stressful day? Be understanding of each other's ways to de-stress.
27. How often do you need to socialize as a couple vs separately? Make sure you give each other space apart.
28. What items can't be shared vs belong to just one of us? Make sure to discuss personal belongings and shared household items to avoid confusion and possible future conflict.
29. How much time do you need with your respective friend groups? Do make sure that you still prioritize your own personal friendships and don’t only spend time with one another.
30. How will we split time between our families for holidays? Discuss traditions that are important to continue.
Goals and Plans
31. How will we decorate shared spaces? Make sure your decor tastes are compatible, and if not, make sure you are both willing to compromise a little bit.
32. Do you want kids someday? A shared home is ideal for raising kids - make sure you're on the same page.
33. How do you feel about each other's career aspirations? Your goals as a couple should include supportive career plans.
34. What are your long-term goals as a couple? Housing, kids, careers - make sure they align.
35. What happens if one wants to move and the other doesn't? Have a roadmap if your goals no longer align.
36. What are our deal breakers for ending a lease or moving? If you break up, move jobs, etc - have a plan.51. What are our must-haves and deal breakers in choosing a neighborhood? Location preferences should align.
37. What are our must-haves and deal breakers in choosing a neighborhood? Location preferences should align.
Housekeeping
38. What cleanliness standards do you expect? In order to avoid future arguments, make sure you agree on an acceptable level of tidiness.
39. How should chores be divided? Talk about how you'll share regular chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
40. How do you feel about having overnight guests? Decide if you're both okay with friends and/or family crashing on your couch or in the spare
41. What are your kitchen MUSTS? Appliances, cookware, pantry essentials - make sure your kitchen is outfitted for both of you.
42. What are your bathroom essentials? Share storage space fairly - we can’t be having one person taking up all of the bathroom storage.
43. How will we manage chores if one of us is busier? Be prepared to pick up slack when your partner's schedule gets hectic.
44. What household appliances can you not live without? Make sure the essentials are covered.
45. What home maintenance will we tackle vs hire out? Know each other's handiness skills - not everyone is born with the DIY gene!
Finances
46. How will expenses be split? Discuss how you'll divide up rent, utilities, groceries, and other shared costs.
47. How will we split up grocery shopping and cooking? Meal planning is easier when you know who is handling what.
48. How will we manage our finances? Joint or separate bank accounts? Agree on a shared budget.
49. What will we do if one of us loses a job? Make sure to discuss emergency funds and backup plans.
Guests
50. How often do you have people over? Make sure to agree on boundaries for houseguests.
51. How will we handle friends or family dropping by unexpectedly? Decide how flexible you'll be with unplanned visits.
Pets
52. How do you feel about pets? Decide if you want furry roommates.
Why do we want to move?
53. Why do you want to move in together? Make sure you're both moving in for the right reasons, not just because it feels like the next step.
54. What are we most excited about in our future home together? Share your relationship dreams to keep perspective.
Best Ways To Start The Moving In Together Conversation
Not sure how to start the open and honest conversation about whether you are both ready to move in together? Having this conversation can be quite daunting as moving in together is a big step in your relationship. What you must remember is that this is a very important conversation that will inevitably let you and your partner decide whether this is actually a good decision for you both at this point in time. Once again, after careful research and consideration, I have compiled some tips for starting this all important conversation!
Pick a relaxed time.
You probably shouldn’t spring this talk on your partner out of the blue. Try and wait until you are both relaxed and have plenty of time for an in-depth discussion. For example, weekends or evenings when you don't have anywhere to be are ideal.
Start positive.
Try and kick off the conversation on a positive note by telling your partner why you want to move in together. Sharing the reasons you think taking this step would be great for your relationship will help to create a more upbeat tone.
Take turns sharing.
This conversation shouldn't feel like an interrogation, so make sure there's balance in the conversation. Try and take turns openly sharing your thoughts, concerns and questions. Make sure to actively listen when your partner is speaking.
Get on the same page.
The goal of this conversation is to get a clear understanding of where each of you stands on major issues like finances, household duties, space needs, etc. Try not to make assumptions - dig into the nitty gritty details.
Avoid ultimatums.
If you have must-haves ("I have to have a separate bathroom"), phrase them gently rather than as absolute dealbreakers. Compromise should be the goal.
End on a positive note.
When you wrap up your talk, close by emphasizing how much you're looking forward to taking this next step together. Moving in is about advancing your relationship, so try and focus on the excitement of that shared vision rather than anything else.
Extra Help
If those 54 questions weren't enough, there are also other sources that can help with the big step of moving in with your partner! The Couply App is a great way for couples to find different ways to allow their relationship to flourish. There are so many cool features to this app but my personal favourite is the courses that they offer. On the app there is a course called 'Choosing your Together Home' that allows you to participate in many different quizzes and games and also gives you ideas and links to expert articles that all relate to the big step of moving in with your partner. You can download the Couply app on Google Play or the App Store!
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About the Author
Erika is a Content Coordinator for the Couply app. Couply was created to help couples improve their relationships. Couply has over 300,000 words of relationship quizzes, questions, couples games and date ideas and helps over 400,000 people.
Erika also plays tennis, and studies at the University of Stirling.
You can connect with Erika on LinkedIn and Instagram
