So, you've found the one, and marriage is on the horizon. Exciting, right? But before you dive into the world of marital bliss, there are a few conversations you and your partner might want to have. Let's navigate this journey together, exploring the essential questions that will pave the way for a strong and fulfilling marriage.
The Foundation: Understanding Your Partner's Values Before Getting Married
1. What are your core values?
Take a deep dive into your partner's belief system. Chat about values to make sure that you and your special someone are aligned on all the important stuff, laying a solid foundation for your future. There's a famous saying that opposites attract but, in truth, like generally prefers like, with research showing that people tend to marry those who are psychologically similar to them.
2. How do you handle conflict?
Understanding each other's conflict resolution styles is crucial. Do you tackle issues head-on or take some time to cool off? Knowing this early on can save you from potential disasters down the road.
3. What does commitment mean to you?
Have a talk about your perspectives on commitment. Whether it's staying true during tough times or planning for the future, clarifying expectations ensures you're on the same page. Trust me, you don't want to wait until something goes wrong to have this conversation.
Money Matters: Pre-Marriage Financial Questions
4. What is your take on finances in a marriage?
Discussing money might not be the most glamorous topic, but it's super important. Understand your partner's approach to budgeting, saving, and financial goals to make sure your marriage won't be a house of cards.
5. Will we merge finances or keep them separate?
Decide how you'll manage your finances. Will you have joint accounts, separate ones, or a combination of both? You might also want to discuss a prenup if you feel like it's important to plan for the worst and protect your finances.
6. How do we handle big financial decisions?
Whether it's buying a house or investing, understanding how you and your partner approach significant financial decisions is key. Making sure you and your partner match each other's energy on these kinds of decisions is essential before taking the plunge.
Family Matters: Sorting It Out Before Getting Married
7. What role will our families play in our lives?
Discuss expectations regarding family involvement. Are holidays spent with in-laws, or will you alternate? Have a chat about boundaries regarding your relationship and potentially your families´ involvement in the lives of your future children to prevent future blow-ups.
8. Do we want children, and if so, how many?
The big question: kids. Talk openly about your expectations, and potential timelines. You don't wanna wake up one day and realize that you have wasted your time with someone who doesn't want the same things out of life as you do, especially when it comes to such an important topic.
9. How will we handle parenting?
Dive into your parenting styles. Discuss things like discipline, education, and the balance between work and family life. Ensuring you're on the same page minimizes parenting conflicts.
Career and Ambitions: Balancing Professional and Personal Lives Before Getting Married
10. What are your career goals, and how can I support them?
Explore each other's career aspirations. What does your partner need from you and what do you need from them? Everybody needs support sometimes, you just need to learn how to ask for it.
11. How do we balance work and personal life?
The age-old struggle of work-life balance. Understand your partner's expectations and discuss how to keep a balance between career and personal life, especially if you are planning to have a couple of kids running around anytime soon.
12. How will we handle job relocations or changes?
Nowadays, job changes are almost inevitable. Discuss how you'll navigate relocations or career shifts, and how it's gonna impact your relationship. Being proactive prevents surprises.
Intimacy and Connection: Pre-Marriage Essentials
13. What does intimacy mean to you?
Get cozy and discuss intimacy. Understanding your partner's emotional and physical needs fosters a deeper connection, keeping the romance alive, so don't be afraid to ask for what you want.
14. How do you feel about maintaining individual interests and friendships?
Maintaining personal space is crucial. Discuss your respective takes on balancing your time between being present for your SO and your friends/hobbies.
15. What is your love language ? (i.e. How do you want to express and receive love?)
Delve into the love languages. Whether it's words of affirmation, acts of service, or quality time, knowing how you and your partner express and receive love makes for a better relationship. Have a look at Couply’s article on the topic to learn more.
Past and Present: Unpacking Baggage and Planning Ahead Before Getting Married
16. What are your expectations regarding past relationships?
Delve into your partner's romantic history. Nobody wants to open up old wounds, but understanding why past relationships ended can be a good way to prevent the same thing happening in the future.
17. How do you envision celebrating anniversaries and milestones?
Have a talk about celebrating special moments. Whether it's a quiet dinner or an extravagant getaway, make sure you know what each of you expects to avoid disappointment.
18. How do you handle stress and pressure individually and as a couple?
At some point, something is bound to go wrong. Explore how you and your partner cope with stress and pressure. Understanding each other's coping mechanisms can help you get through tough times together.
Health and Wellness: What to Figure out Before Getting Married
19. What is your approach to maintaining physical health?
Explore your partner's take on health and wellness. Discuss lifestyle choices and health goals to make sure that there aren't any major icks. For example, some people look at smoking or excessive drinking as a turn-off so be sure to clear things up before getting hitched.
20. How do you handle mental health, and how can I support you?
Mental health is as crucial as physical health. Have a chat about your partner's approach to mental well-being, let them know they're never alone and find ways to support each other during tough times.
21. What role does spirituality or religion play in your life, and how do you want to incorporate it into our relationship?
Talk about each others' spiritual or religious beliefs. In case these are not shared it can become a major issue if you do not make it clear. Religion can be a love-it-or-hate-it thing for some people so not getting into this question before walking down the aisle would definitely be a mistake.
Conflict Resolution: Pre-Marriage Communication Questions
22. How did your family handle conflicts?
Reflect on your family's conflict resolution dynamics. Understanding your partner's background can help you know what to expect when you have a fight.
23. What are your expectations for apologies and forgiveness in our relationship?
Have a talk about your expectations regarding apologies and forgiveness. Some people need to actually hear you say you're sorry before they can move on while others may be fine with a simple gesture like a hug or a snack. However, there's no need to guess when you can just ask.
24. How can we ensure open communication during tough times?
Explore ways to maintain open communication when facing challenges. Don't just shut your partner out when things get hard. Make sure you both know that you're a team so you need to work on things together.
Dreams and Aspirations: Find Out What Your Partner Wants Before Getting Married
25. What do you want out of life, long-term?
Dream big together. Discuss your long-term dreams and aspirations, and work out how you can make it happen. It always pays to be your partner´s cheerleader, especially if you want them to do the same in return.
26. How do you envision retirement, and what plans can we make to enjoy our golden years?
Picture your golden years together. Are you sitting on a rocking chair at the front of your house holding hands or taking a stab at traveling the world? Figure out a plan now to avoid disappointment later on.
27. How can we keep the spark alive through the years?
Explore ways to maintain the spark in your marriage. Nobody wants to fall into a rut because you´ll inevitably start getting bored. Obviously, after years of marriage there's gonna be less excitement than when you first met and started dating but it doesn't mean you have to forget about having fun. Put in a little consistent effort to keep your relationship fresh and you won't have to worry.
So, there you have it – all the essential questions to delve into before saying 'I do.' So, grab your partner, start these conversations, and get ready for a lifetime of love, laughter, and shared dreams. Cheers to your journey toward a happily ever after!
About the Author
Petra is a Content Coordinator for the Couply app. Couply was created to help couples improve their relationships. Couply has over 300,000 words of relationship quizzes, questions, couples games and date ideas and helps over 400,000 people.
